Perspective
Topics
- Oh Lord, please remind me to look back often. How many times have I found myself
seeing things exactly opposite of You? It is so good to see Your face, even if I have to
turn around to do it.
- I was taught that when we go to heaven, we will all be the same age. This issue came up because of infant mortality as well as those that die of old age. However, would it be too far-fetched to challenge the assumption that we will all be adults? What if we are all going to be 8 years old? Pick an age. Would we be willing to do that? The Bible says that there will be no gender. Pre-puberty makes sense. The Bible says that we will be all-knowing. May I challenge the thought that knowledge may not be the kind we learn in school? Knowledge of what? Love? Would we be willing to give up our present adult knowledge to gain the knowledge that only innocence can understand? Would that feel that we are giving up our independence? I believe, in the Spirit world, especially in the context of a place without time, that age does not exist. What I am talking about is perspective. I do believe that the knowledge I gain in this world will shape me in the world to come, but I also believe that, when I get there, all of my understanding will melt into a very long 'OOOH'.
- Is it OK to be openly needy as long as we validate others that do the same?
- Life will validate whatever perspective we chose to see it in.
- Help me Lord to not take anything, except love, seriously again.
- I grew up in a world where love, and therefore security, were the rarest commodity. The result was that I developed a perspective of life similar to a gladiator pit. I needed to be tough and when life reared it's ugly head, usually caused by running into someone else with the same perspective, I needed to attack back with full force to keep the ever present evil at bay. Sometimes I would question my perspective, but life would always validate it again. 'Come to Me as little children.' Life is not a gladiator pit. It is a playground. Life, and so people, reflect our attitude. If we attack others, they attack back. Both sides claim defense, but over time, the first blow becomes irrelevant. Our fear sees a gun in every pocket. 'The first shall be last.' In this crazy world, a child's perspective rules. They are the only ones that live without fear. So whether we are a fighter or isolator, wouldn't life be a lot better if we could just get a hug? Wouldn't the list of fears dwindle if we did not take life so seriously and saw each other as children that need a hug? If I could only attain the perspective of my dogs. Even when something really does go wrong, wouldn't it be better if we all used hugs as our natural response? We won't fear others if we are able to laugh at ourselves. If only we could remember always that love is the most important thing and the only thing to be concerned about is us losing our playground perspective. Only a child can love purely. Or a dog.
- In the humbleness of facing our issues we find self-esteem and in confession of those faults one-to-another we find honour. Our pride tells us that the most important thing is to 'do better'. Our God says that the most important this is to love.
- Respect comes through honesty.
- I'm looking forward to a place where fun is meaningful and work is fun.
-Question - Is a life wasted that devotes itself by faith for something in vain? Answer - The Bible says that the prophets looked to the coming of the Messiah and died without seeing. Their life was fuller being filled with hope. That is better than a life with no hope at all. So if someone tells me that I am wasting my life trusting God to do something that they say will never happen, my answer is, 'At least I'm trusting God'.
- It's not that I have a whole lot of faith, I just don't have the luzury to doubt.
- What good is life if we are not willing to sacrifice it? 'He that loses his life for My sake shall find it.'
- The Bible says that faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains, that we can do all things through Him who strengthens us, that He provides both the will and the way. These all prevent the excuse, 'I can't'. It even elliminates, 'I don't want to'. All we are left with is, 'I won't'. Isn't it much better to say, 'I do'?
- Philippians 4 - the recipe for the abundant life. 1) Rejoice - vs 4. How? 2) Don't stress just pray and accept God's peace - vs 6,7. How? 3)See the positive in the spiritual - vs 8-9. 4) Then you can rejoice in God and be content in all physical circumstances knowing that things are working to develop spiritual goals - vs 10-12. 5) In that perspective (God's), I can do anything - vs 13. That is abundance. 6) We can pursue this path courageously knowing that our basic needs will be taken care of.
- We become what we hate and we hate what we fear.
- Independence and strength are polar opposites.
- Independence is a myth.
- I am going through a tough test of my faith. Is it ok that I feel a lot of stress? Is it necessary? God has offered me the ability to be stronger. Do I want that? Part of me wants to be weak. To be on the edge of collapse. Perhaps God would have mercy on me and end the test, rescuing me with His powerful presence. If I become stronger, do I let God off the hook? Will He feel that He can now prolong the trial? Worst yet, will He feel free to introduce even harder trials in the future? Am I looking at the storm or at God? Is relief my goal or is it intimacy? If I am not seeking to allign my heart with His, I will sink into the harsh waves. I accept the strength in order to connect more deeply with God and others. With fear, I accept however much of His purpose that He wants to perform in me. Help me Lord not to limit You so that I can have just enough of Your purpose to keep my life in proper perspective and enough charity to feel good about myself. How strong do I want to be?
- We sit waiting for destruction. Any ministry that we hoped for is cast aside as people mock, 'They saved others, but they cannot save themselves'. It appears that You have forsaken us. But we wait on Your glory. That through our suffering, many will be healed.
- I do not know what I want or need. I have met very few people that do. Therefore, is it appropriate to petition God on what He should do? Jesus said to pray in this manner, 'Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven'. Lord, shape my will to be Your will.
- What is false hope? Hoping in something that doesn't happen or hoping in something that shouldn't happen? Hope can be a dangerous thing because it can be either an escape or a reality check. Are we open to let God shape our dreams?
- I am trying a dangerous experiment. To try to dream with God and see if I can hear His voice in it. I may find joy and/or disappointment, but I am expecting to find Him in either.
- This is a frightening place to stand because I do not stand here on Your promises but on hope. Hope that You are not just a practical God, but a romantic God. I 'worship You in Spirit and in truth'. I fear dying (my spirit in me) in the desolation of practicality more than I fear the pain of disappointment. How do we encourage people to dream in a world where tragedy exists? Is it possible to alter our expectations without lowering them?
- Have we become too practical? Is being practical being mature or is it putting priority on the physical over the spiritual? Is it childish to place aesthetics on the same level as our basic needs? Can we ask too much of God? Do I expect too much or is everyone jaded? I believe that low expectations have caused me to lose the path. Dare I dream in a disappointing world? Could it be that the illusive God is hiding in my dreams? What a frightening place. Can we have faith apart froom dreams? Are they not the same thing? To dream makes me more vulnerable to the disappontments of life and more dependent on a God that sometimes does not show up. Help me Lord to dream in accordance to Your dreams. If I dream God's dreams, will that protect me from disappointment? Is God's dreams ever disappointed? Is it better to dream and be disappointed than to not dream at all? How big is God? Lord, give me the courage to dream for if I stop dreaming, I stop being.
- Submitting conditionally is not submitting at all.
- How much God do we want? Do I want more than I need? Am I one of the 9 lepers?
- Immediately behind our deepest longing is our deepest fear. The threat or obstacle to our deepest longing. If we are willing to look through both of these, we will find the kind face of God. Just as Peter looked past his fear of drowning. What is in front of our deepest longing? Our deepest wound. If we do not look to God, our deepest fear will rule and prevent our deepest longing perfectly and prevent us from searching for God. When we walk this path and find God, our deepest wound and deepest longing become our deepest strength and shape our walk with God in helping others.
- God is only as big as our dreams. Do we have the courage? If we see things as they could be, we see things as they are. Not in heaven, but here on earth.
- It is not natural for us to pursue our identity because the instant we discover who we are, we lose control of our life to God. How can we withhold all of that power from those that need our help? Also, with the power, God gives us the heart to want to use that power for a specific cause. It is safer to elevate the emotional injuries in our life and say that we are too damaged and weak to be of any use to God. But it is these very same trials that God was using to shape our identity and our heart.
- I am no exception to the rule that God matches assignments to our weakest point. Our gifts to our most profound shortcomings. I am the emotional healer to guide people to happiness even wth just a touch. Yet I have never known happiness. My most intense emotions, love and passion, that God has given and intensified in me, I describe in terms of pain. I don't even like to wear bright colors. It keeps us humble so His poer can flow through us pure and unhindered as possible.
- I limit how much God can show me when I stress about these things. They are in His hands.
- When God moves slow I speed up. Lord help me to quiet my spirit and move in sinc with You.
- A man without a purpose is no man at all.
- There are many who try to simplify life through judgementalism, but God does it through love.
- Help me Lord to have the wisdom to approach people in their own language and perspective. When dealing with the prostitute and the Samaritan, Jesus spoke in love. When He spoke to the religious Pharisees, He spoke about law. Was He harsher to the religious? No, He could not have said anything that would hurt Mary more than His forgiveness. He was brutal. I suspect she walked away more devastated than the Pharisees whom He called skankes and vipers.
-Why is it that when God shows Himself powerfully, I take it lightly and when He does not, I take it hard?
- Psalms 111:10 'The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom'. If we are not confused we are not on the right track. The truth is that we don't have all of it as God points out to Job because it is too difficult to understand. That's where fear or respect of God comes in as well as rest from the endless pursuit to know everything.
- I complain at my weakness and relize that I am weak because I do not want to be strong. I want to receive instead of giving out of emptiness. The world (including those in it) require me to be strong and , I velieve, this is the source of a lot of my rage.
- Focusing on my neediness causes me to look to receiving rather than giving for fullfillment.
- Fear is a real flag to identify where our demons are at.
- Controllingness happens when my God is not as big as my mistakes or any one else's. God has worked through my stumblings as well as when I 'do it right'. He does the same for others.
- Philippians 2:12 - '...work out your own salvation with fear and trembling'. Our fears tell us where our demons are. No one can tell us where they are, only we know (our own salvation). THat does not mean to do it alone because our fears usually involve releationships. If we are not able to face our fears, we are not able to let others face theirs either. Fertile ground for religiosity.
- God does not speak through fear but through power.
- Silence is a time for intimacy, not a time for fear.
- When I do not trust God in tough times, I do not connect with Him. This prevents me from finding out who I truly am. The bad situations might haave still happened, but they would have seemed a lot different in the midst of His loving presence.
- When I get angry at God for things that happen in my life, I am probably not taking responsibility for my part in the delima. When I ask, 'Why did You allow that?', I am sometimes saying, 'Why didn't You make them do it right?' or 'Why didn't You punish them?'. If I take responsibility for my part in the problem, I will see that the answer is mercy towards me.
- 'Ye have not because ye ask not.' Is that just talking about asking God?
- We have no identity outside of Christ. John the Baptist was waiting execution and desparately wanted to make sure that Jesus was the Messiah. Jesus told them to tell John all that Jesus was doing and tell John that he was the greatest prophet of all. These two things went together. If Jesus was not Jesus then John the Baptist was not John the Baptist. Unless Jesus was the Messiah, all of John's sacrificing was in vain. We have to fully see who Jeus is to see who we are. We need to see past the caos of life to see the overall purpose and see how we fit into that purpose. Otherwise we are part of the caos and are lost.
- Peace is not lack of turmoil.
- There is a steady rage seathing under the surface. It shows it's enormous energy when I push myself too hard or if some slight thing doesn't go well, or just because it hasn't come out in a while. When I have it safely tucked away, it comes out as tension and I find myself talking too fast or pacing even when I am positive. This tension and anger is based on a life that is intolerably lacking what I need. It gets worse when I get confused about what I need, such as a spouse. I do need a spouse, but I need community more. There is a lot more evidence that I will one day get community than that I will get a wife (even though I know I will get both). When my hope is built on something that does not seem to be happening, there is stress. If we would all focus on getting community, it will happen sooner and we will be suprised how much of my need is met without a spouse.
- It takes much more humility to confront harshly than easily.
- It is sobering to see my rock-solid devotion to God's purposes crumble under small trials.
- Lord, my heart's desire is not that You will be more real to me, but more real to those that You have me to love and pray for. When You accomplish Your will in them, You have become more real to me. Lift my burden of unfulfilled dreams for those I love and then, I will be lifted into Your presence.
- Throughout our lives, we constantly draw conclusions, perspectives and opinions on countless subjects. Some with divine guidance, more or less. Once we have made one of these decisions, we are blind to our prejudice as it becomes part of our reality and is cemented into our subconscious. We may think that we are fully submissive to God without any awareness of these. We unconsciously resist God's guidance to return to one of these issues because we feel we have already covered that. But even if we made that original opinion with prayer, God might feel that we are ready to see it with one more layer removed. We never fully know anything and in order to be clay in God's hand, we must always, in humility, keep that as an integral part of all of our perspective. No opinion is final. Any disdain that we have toward any person or group of people or ideas or philosophies must be seen as a potential blockage of God's will and we must be willing for God to bring us to reexamining it according to His Word. Help me. Lord,, to reexamine all of my animosities under the spotlight of Your love. And with humility, allow You to draw me to reexamine a point that You and I have discussed many times, knowing that my knowledge and perspectives are terribly limited. Help me to look at each of my points of disdain as a possible open door for me to see with Your love what is being blocked by Satan's bitterness.
- Oh Lord, how dare You to dram such lofty visions for the future. You mock the oppression of the present situation. How can I carry the burden of hopes so stretched beyond reason? Thank You Lord. Help me to deal gratiously with myself and others as I tolerate the present.
- Sometimes revelations from God are so profound, that rather than breed arrogance and pride, it breeds humility because, if I do not know something this much of my core, what else do I not know? You would think, as I get older, that ureka experiences would get smaller and more paultry as I get wiser. But no, they get more fundamental and inclusive affecting not just a portion of my life but my view of life in general. How can I ever be dogmatic since it seems that these ureka experiences will continue to the end of my days? Thank You Lord.
- Mathew 23:29-31 Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for building monuments to the prophets cnd claiming that they wouldn't have killed them had they been born back then but Jesus knew that they were to kill the greatest Prophet of all. We built the Lincoln Memorial and claim that we would have stood up against slavery had we lived back then but we are silent on abortion Lou Engals
- Lord, Your dreams seem so far-fetched that my faith faulters and my hope fails. You want to make (name) a core member of community? (Name), a revolutionary against religion? Me, an evangelist? I can only feel despair. But it must be You. My imagination could not come up with such crazy ideas. That gives me hope. Help me not to take on the overhwelming task to get these things to happen but be eager to play a part.
- When I am still, my mind wanders to sex. I believe part of the reason is that when I am still, my spirit awakens. The Devil detours my spirit toward sex so that I will not find God and what He is saying.
- Lord, forgive me for desiring to speak in eloquence which has it's roots in Greek paganism. Your style is simple and loving so that You alone are praised.
- If we have a view that life is out to get us, it reflects on our attitude toward people since they are part of that life. Life and people have a way of accommodating that viewpoint.
- As a comforter, I need to really keep my pride in check. God will continually tell me things to correct, challenge or encourage others. This does not mean I am more spirtual or insightful than others. The message is to me as well as to those He has me give it to.
- 'My heart rests more now than it used to...it knows that not everthing is a fight...much of life is simply a romance.' p192 Way of the Wild Heart
- In order for God to develop our manhood, He needs to challenge and push us through hardships. Unless there is a strong bond and faith that He loves us, this will feel like rejection. This lack of bonding goes back to our natural father's lack of bonding that left us with the perception, 'I am on my own'. Challenges feel more like threats. p59 Way of the Wild Heart
- To make it out of the comfort zone does not require intense Bible knoledge, a disciplined moral life, dedication to religious activities, to stop thinking about sex, etc. It just requires a desire, not the ability, to care for others. Resist the temptation to nullify your gift by comparing to others. As with the widow's mite, we cannot see the heart.
- Many times, God has to hold out on blessings because we are in the comfort zone. If He blesses us there, it will only make it harder to leave.
- The scarry part about the comfort zone is that the longer we are there, the colder our heart gets and so the less likely we will hear God's call to leave, let alone be pricked with conscience or passion. This is the path of the reprobate mind. pgs. 85-88 Encouragement
- The fear that prevents people from leaving the comfort zone is that, 'what if I'm just being greedy and I fail to find any passion and then I can't find my way back to the comfort zone?'.
- There is the 'valley of the shadows of death', the comfort zone, and the passion zone. The comfort zone is the most scariest place. Some, like me, are fortunate enough to start out in the 'valley of the shadows of death' . Trials and hardships force people into action. Most resort to addictions and live the rest of their lives on the edge of destruction. A precious few turn to God and He rescues them to the green pastures, the comfort zone. The comfort zone is far more dangerous because even fewer people get out alive than from the 'valley of the shadows of death'. The reason, of course, is that few want to. Those that started out in the comfort zone have less chance than those that came from the 'valley of the shadows of death' because these have not, at least, tasted of the heavenly fellowship. The key to a passion filled christian life is the willingness to leave the comfort zone to seek God. My job is to give those in the comfort zone a taste of the passion so that they will no longer be comfortable in the comfort zone.
- The best way not to get caught up into lustful fantasies is to focus my restless spirit on God's purpose.
- If we have trouble finding God, maybe it is because we are actually looking for a solution to our problems and for Him to fix them rather than looking for Him directly and to what He is doing so we can participate with Him rather than vice versus.
- (name) said I have a wall. It must be that the wall was between me and God when I go through trials. Thank You Lord for tearing down that wall.
- Trusting God - when my needs not being met does not make me feel fruther from God.
- One reason that Peter was able to walk on water is that he recognized Jesus. Everyone thought He was a death angel and would not look at Him as He walked by. Peter faced his biggest fear as a fisherman and stared into the face of what he thought was the death angel. Instead he saw his Saviour. We see Christ clearest when we face our fears. There is where trust is cultivated.
- The problem of putting our pain on a pedestal above other's pain is that the severity of the pain depends on the person, not the circumstance. A little girl losing a puppy could be nust as tragic as an adult losing a parent.
- When we elevate our pain, we elevate ourselves for our spiritual maturity to have dealt with such enormous pain. What we call maturity, however, is mostly survival. We feel that by analyzing and focusing on our pain, that we have deeper insight into God. However, it is focusing on other's pain, not our own, that draws us to a clearer understanding of God. Focusing on our own pain only makes us arrogant. The only reason to focus on our's or anybody else's pain is to dunderstand how we have improperly coped with that pain in order to avoid trusting God which is all that survival is.
- I don't know anyone that is not overwhelmed with a personal secret issue. And this issue has been put on a pedestal to be far greater than anyone else's issue. This causes two roadblocks to sharing in a group setting which none of them see as even tolerable even though the Bible says to. We prefer to let a pastor do all the work and hopefully he will touch on my issue with a secret clue to fix it. Most have given up hope of this silly notion, almost. The funny thing is that airing out our issues would take them off the pedestal. The first roadblock is that my issue is too big for any group of christians to understand, let alone solve. They can't even solve their little problems. My struggle with this issue has brought me far above the crowd in spirtual understanding so what benefit is there for me to share? Which brings up the second roadblock. Since my issue is so much bigger than everyone else's, why should I stoop down to their level to discuss their pitifully little problems. The funny thing is that this secret ssue that each of us worship is not so big and this would be obvious if we were to all open up and share. And what's not so funny is that our real issue is much bigger than the one on the pedestal that blinds us of our big fault (a cold heart) and from the pain of other's issues. I find it frustrating that the things that people are most offended about me are the characteristics that God has developed in me and the faults of mine that most offend me they don't see as a problem. Oh Lord, the biggest problem wth christianity is that the culture is so self-centered and hard-hearted that it has less sense of the need for community than the world. Spiritual growth is a personal path to most. We have nothing to offer until we can open up our hearts to one another.
- Life is unpredictable and unfair so that we will have to trust God and not ourselves. p174 Finding God So that we will focus on finding God rather than fixing our problems.
- The root of low self esteem is actually pride in order to avoid the pain of admitting that no relationship other than the one with God will be fully satisfying. Everyone will disappoint us. Instead of being drawn to God, we take on the responsibility for the disappointment and try to find stisfaction in this world by trying to find some fault in us that makes us less loveable. The Devil will allow us to see that so that we will either work hard to fix it or accept God's forgiveneess on the cross to cure us of self-hatred. We must, instead, repent of trying to work around God and let our disappointments in relationships draw us to God. We accept forgiveness for this more root sin and are drawn to be more like Christ so that we can be connected with Him more deeply which requires an increased dependence on His Spirit. My focus was no longer to need to be better in order to be loved by others, which is self-centered, but a desire to be more Christ-like which is other-centered. This requires me to trust that God can satisfy.
- Either we feel overwhelmed by life's struggles through relationships and plain logistics as they attack our manhood or we are numb and are not in the struggle at all.
- Help me Lord to resist the Devil's attempt to stir up my needs into a big froth.
- I see a pattern among gay men and so somewhat in all men of our culture that so much attacks masculinity - the perception that any amount of discomfort is bad and must be avoided. Macho type guys seem to thrive on discomfort riding open cab vehicles in the winter and motorcycles with leather on in the summer. The difference seems to be centered about control. The one group sees control as a comfort and the other sees it as a prison. I believe one reason for the need for control is lack of self esteem or confidence. Although both extremes can have self esteem problems, a person with confidence can be comfortable even when things are not going perfect.
- We have all suffered much more than we have ever thought possible. As we focus on the need, everything else and everyone else diminishes, including God. We see our need as unique and so put it on a pedestal above everyone else's or we take a 'get over it' mentality and stuff it. Both approaches minimize other people's pain and our ability to reach out to them. Both ways put us on a pedestal by looking down on others for not dealing with their own pain and neediness better. I believe we need to face the pain and then to offer it to God. The curse on this world is not a punshment. It was meant to be more than we could bear. Therefore, depending on how we deal with it, it can grind us to powder or make us strong. If we fight it, it will destroy us. If we run from it, it will catch us. If we allow it to humble us, we will find the stength, not only to not be overwhelmed with the pain, but the additional strength to deal with the weakness and selfishness the pain has caused. It allows us to face our pain and then to face others so that we care for them and not criticize or minimize. We see the pain as only a tool in God's hands to mold us into His image and so we can take it off of it's pedestal and therefore take us off of ours also. When we humble ourselves to validate other's pain, we can pray with them that it can do it's owrk and we can see God's hand not only in their lives, molding them, but in ours, molding us. The biopic blindness is over and we can see circumspectly and not just focus on ourselves. It bonds us together so we don't have to suffer alone. Then God does not appear so cruel as His love flows through us and to us with others. Help me Lord to focus on You and Your work.
- We come to You, all of us contemplatives, resting on the promise of the Beatitudes that You gave us. Especially, the first one, 'blessed are the poor in spirit for their's is the kingdom of God'. What does this mean? It sounds infinite. At the very least, it means that You promise to be as real as our pain of our need. That is pretty big since, at any time, if we focus on our need, it is overwhelming. That means that at any time, if we focus on You, You can be overwhelming. With that in mind, we offer our need, along with the hope that You will meet that need, to You as an offering. We refuse to anesthesize ourselves with TV or any other addictive comfort as is customary in our culture, because we find nothing in this world worthy or capable of distracting us from our desire to have intimacy with You. We leave our spirits open knowing that it only makes our pain more intense. But we do no let the overwhelming pain consume our focus and our senses (emotional, physical, spiritual) because we offer that pain to You, thanking You for it, because it is our ticket to the kingdom. If that pain is necessary for You to be real to us, we are thankful for it. Oh Lord, this is a mystery I do not understand. I do know that we will not be able to survive our pain in this vulnerable position. We puzzle with the serenity, not knowing what part of the pain is our cross to bear and what part is self inflicted. You promise that 'he that looses his life for my sake will find it' and we wait for that. Help us to 'seek ye first the kindom of God and all these things will be added unto you'.
- The point is not to find answers, the point is to find God.
- I struggle with obsessing about intimacy with (name) as an escape. It is so frustrating because I want to focus on being intimate with God. Is it simply a matter of not focusing on the struggle and thereby giving it power? Does it really warrant so much attention that I fantasize too much?
- Men, by nature, are restless and unfulfilled and so we are always moving. We can move toward God or we can move to meet our needs. We will either build up others or us them. He develops others or controls them.
- When despair comes, You vanish as a mist. Help me to remember who You are and what You have done in my life that I not worship idols.
- Small egos have small Gods.
- I would trade all of the wise sayings in the world for a clear perspective.
- In order to connect with God, we have to connect with ourselves.
- Unless God is our all consuming focus, anything that we desire has the risk of becoming an idol.
- Paradox - through oppression our spirit is awakened to dance.
- Life is very simple when we are still. When we are pursuing God, we run into our issues and things get complicated.
- When I complain that God is not revealing my path anymore, I must question whether or not I am still moving.
- The mind is not to stifle the feelings but to focus them. p.158 Renewal of the Mind
- We know we are in a rut when it doesn't take much to knowck it off track.
- Maxim for counselors 'Never allow a noble reason for foolishness and sin'. Evil cannot produce good and vice versus. p.123 Renewal of the Mind Evil motives always lie behind evil deeds. Good things can never lie behind bad deeds.
- No one is immune from evil mind control. There are no independent thinkers. Christians and atheists alike get caught up in this fantasy. The only cure is the love of Christ which is beyond knowledge. Ephesians 3:18-19 p.112 Renewal of the Mind
- The totally objective mind is a fantasy.
- (name) wanted to minimize my pain by saying everyone suffers. I felt angry and hurt because I want to worship my pain. To be special due to the exteme of my pain. It was upsetting that she did not worship it with me. It is so hard to accept that being special is very common. Forgive me Lord for putting my pain on a pedestal.
- Help me Lord, not to be like the two men on the road to Emmaus who were so wrapped up in despair over the 'bad' things happening in their lives that they failed to see Jesus in their midst.
- A desire for God must be more important than the discomfort of the storm in order to walk on the water (keeping our eyes on Him).
- A true faith in God that whatever His intentions for us is good and the plan to get us there is perfect is the only cure for codependency. Our codependency with God needs to be be broken before our codependency with people can be broken. It is true that that path may lead to martyrdom, but that may be the only way that we can be free of our demons so we can see God clearly from this side of death and allow others to see through the windows to heaven also.
- When we put our comfort over our relationship with God, we substitute our love for God with need. This affection is fragile and dependent on how well God meets our need. Just as myself, God does not value being needed and longs for being loved. Therefore, He shuns the need by directing us in an indirect path that seems to purposefully deprive us of our needs, even though those needs may be very legitimate. Whe we learn to praise Him for this painful path that He guides us on, with anticipation that it will allow us to truly love Him (honor, respect Him with unwaivering loyalty), then we are free from the stress of a need based relationship (codependency) and experience the joy of true love, not only with Him, but with everyone around us.
- Forgive my grumblings, Lord, for I know that I am complaining about Your hand in my life when I do.
- I struggle to relate to the relational view of just accepting God's love as I am. It comes across better to women. But, I realize that I cannot take a performance oriented approach either by accepting God's love by how much He works through me. Instead, I accept myself and God's acceptance as God makes me into who I truly am. What I do is just a byproduct of that . Without God, I am a curled up insatiably needy, whimpering mess. But, with God, I am a passionate contronter of the shallow self-centered American culture. I can accept that and therefore I can accept God's acceptance and the acceptance of others without performing.
- I do not need to tie depression to tiredness. It is OK to be tired.
- My problem with the exercise machine has taught me how quickly the brain is wired and how hard it is to unwire it. Help me, Lord to learn how to unwire.
- Oh Lord, some would say that I think too much. That I take life and myself too seriously. Help me that I not be too serious, just more intense.
- When 'bad' things happen at a time when we seemingly don't deserve it, we are blndsided, but not God. He has already prepared to use the hardship for our benefit or to rescue us from it. All is part of His plan. No stress.
- I struggle to find the answer. It may be good that I can't find it because I would use it to find meaning to my life by trying to get everyone to conform to it. Perhaps this is another reason I am alone. p.58 Elijah Task
- Repentance and prayer go together because until we see our sin, we have nothing to praise God about.
- It helps me to not be bitter at others if I understand the issue that causes their sin. Sometimes God just chooses to help me to understand mine.
- One obvious sign that we are running away from God's will is that it makes us mean. We get angry with God's people.
- There is a big difference in running away and moving on. Running away is usually just a geographical thing.
- A little adrenaline in life is good. But, there is more ways to get it than just physical (i.e. skydiving). Even better, and just as dangerous, is emotional and , better yet, spiritual.
- Here is another pattern. When we fear something (not trust God) such as rejection, poverty, etc., we open the door to the Devil to give us a reaction to that situation which we hope will cause us to avoid it but, in reality perpetuates it. Once that pattern is set up, we will, on our own, without any more help, self destruct as we do more of the harmful reaction the larger the fearful situation grows totally ovlivious that we are fueling the flames while we grow bitter blaming others. So, when we see a pattern of destruction in our lives, look inward not toward others.
- I am a P.I.(parental inversion) person (see chap.17 Transformation) in that I have had to take on the role of spiritual guide for myself and my siblings because our parents were not mature enough to be of any help. Help me, Lord, not to be resentful of my parents for this hard road and toward my siblings for their neediness. Help me to be able to help lovingly and not judgementally with a superior pius attitude. Help me to see it and stop it. Help me not to try to take on all the responsiblility of restoring the family individuals.
- Oh Lord, help me to be that 'lilly of the valley' to bloom in the dust and rocks. To stand out amongst so many that do not have time to be compassionate because they are too busy trying to survive. Yor water (Spirit) can turn me from a thorn bush into an inspirational bouqet.
- 'What if's' are the devil's playground.
- Everyone runs away from life in a personal way. My method is to want to run into the arms of a compassionate wife. Lord, help me to see what, specifically, about this insecure life I am running from and how to not bury my talent. What are my buried talents.
- God did not design His people to worship comfort. 'Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.' II Corinthians 3:17 We bury our talent and we lose it. The Lord brought the plagues to get Israel to let go as much as Pharoah. Our naton drifts to socialism as we turn from God. 'Perfect love casts out fear.' We find God's rest in accepting His leadership into adventure. That is what the yoke is about. Freedom is in the yoke, never to look back. Faith and love give us courage to follow God into the adventure. The adventure, by definition, takes us through our own personal fears. Struggling for relief takes us into the opposite direction. It blinds us from seeing His vision for us. I feel more safe holding God's hand as He leads me through the 'valley of the shadow of death' than being by myself in 'green pastures' because 'without a vision, the people perish'. The Lord promised to show me the major veins of the devil's deceptions so that He could give me songs about them and that my life could mock them. All other deceptions are personalized versions of these. This is one of the major veins - fear of risk.
- Tooting in a pancho is a bad idea.
- One aspect of my identity is that I do not put on aires. With a strong identity, there is no need to.
- How confrontation is taken is also up to the perspective of the person being confronted. Do they have self identity? The same words can be taken by those outside the light emotionally as critical while those inside the light can see them as encouraging.
- I cannot have passion without self identity. I cannot have compassion without self identity because my perspective only allows me to see what is wrong rather than what is right which ruins my credibility as a confronter. Compassion requires self identity because it requires self esteem. Those with low self esteem, no identity and no passion cannot help but be critical as the men of (church) as they judged (name).
- As my identity becomes more clearer, my perspective of God becomes clearer.
- When we choose to avoid our issues, we almost certainly are avoiding people also, certainly God. It is a terrible sin to choose the comfort of avoidance of our issues over people and the pain of exposure of our faults when we stand in the light of intimacy. God has to deal with this rejection constantly. What can say love more than to be a fool for love's sake. I would rather be wrong in the intimacy of God's presence and His people than to be seemingly right and sit in the dark alone. Lord, help me to be gracious to people's selfish choices as You have been toward us. I am not a victim. I choose to hurt and to love than to have a hard, safe heart. Maybe this is what is meant to be a fool for Christ's sake. Help me, Lord, to never hang around the fig trees. I want my 'fleshy heart'. Ironically, avoiding our issues exposes us the most to God and those who are in the light. It is little consolation to get reassurance from other fig leaf gatherers when we really want the fellowship of God and those who seek Him.
- In order for God to meet our needs, we sometimes need to let go, even emotionally of what we already have, even if it is just a dream. I find that this can be much harder than switching priorities, it requires getting rid of old mental habits some of which are subconscious. This requires diving intervention which I will ask for daily.
- To grow up in a house that is full of tension and strife even in the womb, it is easy to see how life seems as a threat rather than an adventure. That strife between couples is fearful. That all courage and optimism are wiped out. That peace is the most important thing but the most uncomfortable to be in.
- It is easier to hear God on the main path of His will rather than the rabbit trail because the main trail is less stressful - we know where it is going. But, to be on the main trail, we have to like where it is going.
- Advantages of aloneness - I can go farther, faster physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I can rest when I want and push when I want. I don't have to wear out each point with explanations and examples. God speaks more and clearer in the silence. People are for sharing the highlight moments of enlightenment that I experienced alone and by that dig deeper.
- A 50/50 chance is 50/50. Don't take it personal.
- The way a lizard scurries along the trail to escape the threat of an oncoming hiker, panic causes me to escape along the easiest route which is not escape at all. A little calm thinking would show me to simply step aside into the rough underbrush and let the trial pass.
- In order for my stress level to go down, my faith needs to increase to believe that when I attempt something and it inevitably blows up in my face, that God can fix it or make something else good of it.
- I need to have the faith to believe that I am stronger than the weaknesses that I use to characterize myself.
- The same grief causes different responses, such as the Holocaust. Some have their faith strengthened. Others shake their fist at heaven and rage at God or rage that there is no God. Regardless of which is true, it is still a pathetic gesture. The difference between the faithful and the ragers seems to revolve around humility.
- Help me Lord to pray more from an offensve posture rather than a defensive one.
- 10/21/07 I get the impression that I am being asked by God. I noticed that everyone I know is primarily looking for security. God wants warriors, not wounded birds. It is hard to remember that, in the midst of the storm, we are to look for adventure as God reveals himself. Walk on water. I am alone because I am not the person to provide security. I am a warrior. I attack what God reveals. I feel that God is telling me that He has not revealed Himself to me because I have been looking for Him to provide security. He wants to show Himself in adventure. I am not in the mood for adventure. I am just finishing up the car. I thought I was already walking on water but it must be a surf board. It doesn't seem like a boat. I know that one person has to start it. I accept God's invitation.
- God uses the weaknesses of thers to accomplish His purpose. So there is no need to be bitter at their weaknesses. 'You meant it for my harm, but God meant it for my good.'
- Most of our issues are behind our worst pains. Those events that seem to hurt the most.
- Developing my own identity happens when I embrace my calling to help others. To be Christ-like.
- Depression and sexual promiscuity are two of my generational sins.
- I think God is trying to build my faith and get rid of my negative perceptions of Him. I continually get promises of the future that rival Heaven while the present remains Hell. I realize now that a lot of my present torment is due to my lack of faith. I do not believe that God would do all those good things for me, but my present situation gives me no choice but to hope. Lord, help me to change my perception of You and others.
- The most valuable of the plants are the first to go in destruction and the last to come back because they grow the slowest and they are the most vulnerable. In some cases, they do not come back unless we deliberately place them there. Such is the character of our identity.
- The Bible says that the Lord makes some for honor and some for dishonor. Creatures cannot help it if they are a cuddly rabbit or a snake. They do what they are designed to do and should not be despised or praised for it. Of course, some creatures take more precautions than others. The only thing that counts is that we do according to our identity. There is no peace otherwise. Can you picture a rabbit trying to act aggressive as a snake or a snake trying to find someone to cuddle with?
- Two lies of temptation - 1) Thy grace is not sufficient. 2) A little bit of something else would help a lot where, in reality, a little bit does not help at all, only makes me want more which does not help either. It only tries to isolate me from the grace that I needed to pursue in the first place. Thy grace is the only thing that does satisfy.
- Dynamics is what makes nature so attractive and yet so repulsive. God effortlessly forms a cathedral ceiling of clouds and stars with a lunar chandelier. Then, as if whith no regard to the picture perfect view, God rearranges it all constantly creating other views even more wonderful. Man spends his life savings trying to shelter himself from this dynamics. He has no other choice unless he is willing to submit to it. Dynamics demands attention. Either submit or fight. Passion is in the submitting. Control kills passion. For example, a woman is most beautiful when she is moving. Her attractiveness is in the mystery of her emotions. But men want to control her, to be able to replay a particular scene over and over at our whim. But the moment she becomes controlled and predicable, the passion dies. Peace is in submitting to the dynamics. Where else could it be? I look at the 1/2 million dollar houses and I get depressed. I could only be happy there a week and then I would want something different. It is too static. Man cannot create dynamics. Nature abhors static and so man spends all of his time trying to protect his static creations. Nature knows that it can do better. The best I can hope for, as an architect, is to create a static model that reminds people of the dynamic original. Therefore, the less a building shelters and the more it lets in nature, the more dynamic and alive it becomes because it lets God play the major role in the interior decorating. Help me Lord, in life, to submit to its dynamics. I know that all conflicts can attribute at least a portion of the blame to control rather than submitting.
- Passion needs the vessel of identity to be of any use. My passion is a part of my personality that God formed in me. It would be there even if I did not know God. It would have been twisted to anger and sex instead of Him. As He gives me my true identity in Him, He will be able to intensify that passion safely and to focus it in the bounds of that personality. For many, religion becomes that boundary and focus, but religion kills passion.
- Lord, awaken my spirit and release it to answer the 'Call of the Wild'. I want to practice discernment through tracking and hunting. I want to visualize the spirit world to connect to the past and learn the ways. To see You in a visual teaching manner through nature - a primitive manner. To simplify christianity through nature as I learn to relate to and subdue it.
- We must be willing to lay down our cherished issues before God and put Him first as He directs us as He sees fit with little respect for those issues directing us to unfair situations that we are most ill equipped to deal with. When I hear a christian start to complain about what is fair and about his or her rights, I put up my guard, for they are the most dangerous at that point.
- Lord, please purge my heart of the hate, anger, and resentment so that I can finally have righteousness, peace and joy.
- There is a part of me that wants to take my place, courageously, as the defender of the weak, as the questioner of socially damaging practices, as the one to shine light on those blinded by the devil. I know now that it is my call, regardless of how repulsive it is by seeing my Dad do it with the wrong attitude. I want to do it with compassion for both sides. There is also a part of me that just wants to be held and nurtured. To fill the gap that was left from my childhood. Neither side can fully function without the other. Both sides fuel the other.
- Passion requires courage.
- This is all I really asked for from Dad, to be able to let my identity express itself. True love would say that whatever tea cups fall off the shelves as a result of me fully expressing myself were not important anyway. I wanted Him to rejoice in my identity, not to be threatened by it. But this would require Him to be confident in His own identity. If he were, he could rejoice to see some of his identity in mine. He spent my whole childhood trying to kill my identity rather than develop it.
- My identity is of my spirit no my flesh. It is the permanent part of me. My flesh tries to corrupt my identity. My identity is in Christ. The more I seek Christ, the more I resemble Him and therefore myself, my identity.
- My identity is a rustic sensitivity, a manly, intense passion, a courage to live outside the culture, a devious sense of humour, a ruthless honesty, intensly romantic, compassionate, a strong hatred for passivity, a low priority for comfort, creative, physically aggressive.
- I know that without God I am like a puppet with the strings cut. However, God has given me a gift beyond all other gifts, the gift of identity. Without this gift, I would have no basis for accepting love and no perspective to give love. God empowers my identity but it is unique. This uniqueness gives me the worthiness to accept and offer love. It is eternal. When God uses me, I am like a puppet in that all moves are directed by Him, but He uses the identity He created. Therefore, the work is not void of me, but rather is part of me, my identity. My identity is not something I earn or work to develop, it is a gift. I can either use it for God's glory, or distort it in self gratification.
- The path that I am taking and the path that (name) must take: Bitterness tires the soul. Eventually it can no longer hide the more core feelings of loneliness and dispair. These feelings, being more real, draw me almost to the point of obsession because I feel more alive - kind of how I felt with bitterness, but more intense and real so that it is not addictive in that it takes more and more bitterness to get the same effect. The hopelessness of the loneliness eventually leads to the only possible cure -Jesus. I eventually begin to value Him as a true comforter. After awhile, He becomes more as my craving for His comfort grows into a craving for Him alone. He becomes more important than the pain. My heart begins to open up as my focus is no longer on me and my pain and I find that I am super-sensitive to similar pain in others. As my heart continues to open up, I still hurt - even more, but I am 'surprised by joy'. Romans 5:3,4
- Matthew 6:15 says that if we don't forgive others, God won't forgive us. This is not a threat but a principle. When we harbour bitterness against others, we are blinding ourselves to our part of the blame in the situation. We are also blinding ourselves to God's view of the situation both directly from Him and from others. Therefore, we can't confess what we aren't even willing to see so God cannot forgive us.
- Psalms 46:10 'Be still and know that I am God.' still - to cause to fall, let go
- When I am honest, I must admit that what I want most is validation. This is a large part of why I chose this path rather than the easy one the Lord offered me. The other path would be too much like being royalty in England. Lots of attention and deserving none of it. I have never been validated. I can't even validate myself. Life seems to do the opposite. What better validation than to do wonderous things for God? What if God just wants to give me love? No miracles. Is this what I turned down back in the apartment? Is the lack of validation what is causing me so much grief. What I really need is unconditional love - to be able to accept unconditional love. I don't even know what it looks like. I can turn anything into validation. I can't even accept unconditional love from (name). Worse yet, I can't give it. Can I love (name2) without paising her for something, like her grades? Without a change of perspective, a right brain would do me no good. It would all go to my head. God cannot work through me if I accept it as validation. That is not humility, brokeness. Show me, Lord, what true love is and guide me so that I don't have to suffer alot of pain to understand it.
- You have offered me complete contentment through a wife perfectly suited to me but I have accepted the original path that You have laid out for me with (name) because fulfillment for me requires a purpose in You. I am keeping Your requirements and honouring Your requests by not pushing physical boundaries with (name). I have followed the path, by Your strength and grace, laid out in II Peter 1:5-7 - faith, goodness, knowledge, self control, perseverence... I have been toughing it out at perserverence for awhile but have not progressed to godliness which would then lead to kindness and love. Godliness (reverence, respect), I must admit, is missing. Our relationship is not personal. Help me.
- Trials cause me to habitually sink into depression. But depression is self centered. when I am self-centered, I am not safe to share with. This causes more trials and loneliness. So the problem is cyclical. The answer, of course, is to give rather than receive. this makes me safer so people are free to share with me and I get my needs met. Another paradox.
- Stress happens when I am more concerned with the goal or outcome than in living in the moment.
- Help me Lord to find other outlets of connecting, with (name) and others, besides sex with (name) so that it can be healthy.
- Word from God through (name) summarized - Don't analyze or medicate pain so much but allow myself to grieve so as not to hinder the process.
- Demonic depression keeps me from hearing the Spirit because it focuses on relief (escape) instead of joy.
- My espectation is to find relief. My hope is to find joy. Help me, Lord, to focus on my hope. Expectation only leads to frustration and bitterness because there is no relief apart from joy. Expectation also tempts me to pull away from God to find a shortcut (apple) or to make demands.
- Help me not to rush trying to find relief. 'Be still and know'. The Lord is waving with both hands on the side of the road, but I am racing by in my anger. Lost and desparately looking for relief.
- Lord, help me to be able to embrace the pain of the emptiness with the hope that I will see Your face in it.
- Once again, I have forgotten. This pain, this unbearable unfulfillment is the space that God has asked for. Forgive me Lord for despising it. Nothing but You deserves to be in that space.
- Help me Lord to not lose motivation to have You change me after the problems in my life are solved to the point that the pain is no longer unbearable.
- Lord, help me to see how bad I am so I can see how good You are. The pattern I see with everyone is the unconscious resistance to allow You to deal with our familiar spirits.
- My temper comes from my depression, which comes from not bing able to walk in the Spirit as God made me, because my voltage is too high, because I have a temper. Help me Lord to submit to Your process.
- This painful waiting period is teaching me a few things:
1. My emptiness is caused by my God-made need of needing God rather than my man-made need of needing human affection. This is important so that I can enjoy God's gift (name) in meeting my man-made need without it getting to needy by trying to use it to meet my God-made need. Having those two needs clearly separated in my mind is very important to me.
2. I am not capable of meeting my God-made need. When God does begin to shower me with His Spirit, I will not be able to take credit for it. He has already assured me, through (name), that I am not doing anythng wrong. My desire or self-view of holiness can be attributed to the grace to come.
- I am obsessed with control, the root of my stress. I need control of time, plans, and order (location of things). This is incompatible with submission to God. I resent authority because it always messes with my control. I resent demands put on me. God is not dad. If I have everything in control, I don't need authority meddling. Nothing is ever in control So I stress.
- Some part of me felt that the reason that God was going to give me such clear discernment is because I desired it more than others. But during the lonely eight years, He came to me in 5 ways (emotional, enlightenment through books, through people, directly, or situationally). The pain was more important to me so I rejected all 5 because none of them met the need. Now that He as offered a solution to that need through (name), I am ready for the discernment. I am not worthy of the gift of discernment or of (name). I will need to accept both with that always in mind in order for either gift to accomplish all it was intended. Desiring either gift is not going to bring them any faster or more intense. It is all God. I can't earn them. There are plenty of people that desire these gifts more than me that will never receive them simply because God wills.
- When I give in to pity for unmet needs, I cannot play the role of husband properly. I need to be strength for the more emotional gender. The thing that women want most in a man is security. Strength does not mean cruel, insensitive, boring or passionless. Strength is dependable trust in God.
- A large source of my stress is the need to accomplish something for the day to have any worth. When circumstances prevent me from accomplishing something, I get depressed. Life is too hard to go through without purpose. Life has no meaning of it's own. The more negative I see life, the more painful it is to go through and so the more accomplishment is necessary to balance it. Oh Lord, free me from my negative perspective.
- There are countless reasons for painful situations which seem to never end, but one possibility can never be dismissed - for His glory. As with Job, our steadfastness to God and His commands, even when they do not make sense and are costly, mock the devil and his demons and proves the power of love.
- I pray and complain but the Lord will not come into my life so that I can have balance. He let me know that He does not like pushing His way in but wants me (and (name)) to provide a space. As with the children of Israel who dug the ditches that God filled full with water, He will fill as much space as we provide, in His time. The children of Israel had to go to bed tired and thirsty with empty ditches. It seems to be the last thing to want to do is dig in the dessert sun when we are thirsty. It seems to be the last thing to do to sit in silence and face our need when we are hurting. Lord, I once again offer the pain of my unmet needs to You as an offering.
- Submission to God's commands builds faith because when I transgress, I doubt myself when the path takes an unexpected turn. My faith fails when I doubt my ability to see God's guidance, not doubting God. Being 'founded on the solid Rock' , means commitment to God. When I am sure that I am following God, nothing can shake me.
- All 'issues' are incompatible with a submissive attitude toward God.
- Romans 8:33 'We are more than conquerers through Him.' Sin can cause me to forget that and feel defeated. My conquering status is not based on how 'good' I am. I am never good. That status is based on my submission to Him 'Man looks on the outward appearance but God looks on the heart.' 'Faith is the victory.'
- Help me Lord to not just wait for the 'big calling' and ignore the little day-to-day callings and call that devotion. I know that, just as You prepared David for Goliath, we must submit to the daily requests to be prepared for Your purpose in us. True love is answering the daily small calls.
- It seems as though I handle big problems, such as (name) testing positive to (disease), much better that I handle small things, such as losing my wallet, keys or credit card. (name) says that adults that were abused as children rely heavily on routine. Lord, I offer up my dependence on routine. Help me to adjust. I do not want to be enslaved to routine, always worried it will go wrong, even when it is going right. I know that even with a solid routine, there is no security and peace. You are that alone. After losing my credit card at Food City, I have not felt like getting close to (name). This has to mean that I don't want to get close to You or anyone else. I don't want that. I also notice that my sense of order keeps me from forgiving. When (name) gets upset with me, I want to avoid her for a long time because she is a threat to my order. I suspect that my dependence on order will isolate me from meeting new people. My need for order causes me to put logistics over people. I wanted to work on the house rather than console (name) for testing positive.
- Oct 1 - The Utmost for His Highest - Help me Lord not to look at every experience as 'What can this teach me?' but rather realize that it is to make me - to change my character.
- The Lord showed me that I spend most of my time with Him analyzing myself. This psyco-analysis is only good up to the point of seeing the problem and confessing it. To go much further is to take control - my fight or flight approach to everything. Working on getting the relationship under control is a wrong perspective. Righteousness, peace, and joy cannot happen under such a legalistic approach. My desire is to relax with (name) without boundaries. would'nt it be neat to do this with God? Only then can the Spirit be free to share. The focus should not be on the relatonship (me) but on God. This is the simplicity that You have been talking about.
- Lord, help me to see that life is in the journey and not the destination. That Your purpose is how I deal with life now, not so much in what You are changing me to be.
- Help me Lord to rest n You, as You have said, so that I can find peace in transition which is ongoing. Help me to trust You more fully.
- Lord, I have been suffering with the awarensess of my lack of awakening. It has dimmed my interest in all other things in life, even of (name), which scares me. I have prayed that You would fix my lack of awakeness and perhaps, in time, You will to some degree. But, for now, I recognize that perhaps that intense longing is not for fixing but for worshipping with. It is my offering for it is not of me but a gift from You.
- I have been worrying alot lately about my disconnectedness. I realized that it is posssible that I have not become more disconnected but that I have become more aware of my disconnectedness.
- Lord, I want to know You without barriers just as I want to know (name) without barriers. Please take down the barriers. Show me what I need to see if I am being a barrier.
- It is difficult for me to be comfortable with a lower adrenaline level. I catch myself fantacizing about stressful situations, such as danger to my family. It seems that adrenaline was my defense from sinking into the abyss of depression.
- God showed me through (name) today that a big roadblock to developing my right brain and thus my identity is my continuously high state of anxiety. Help me Lord to be mindful of You and 'be anxious for nothing' Philippians 4 and bring all my negative, stressful thoughts 'into captivity to the obedience of Christ' II Corinthians 10:5
- Help me Lord to not shut down and miss Your gifts in things that heppen just because they are not my kind of things.
- Help us not to try to figure it out but embrace the mystery.
- In our weakness (brokeness) we are made strong (passionate). The passion only leads us to see ourselves more clearly as we see God more clearly which leads to more brokeness, and so the cycle continues. Lord, help us to encourage this process as we share our passions and our brokeness.
- The purpose of coming to God is not to meet a need but to create a need, a longing for God that cannot fully be met on this side of eternity. That's what brokeness is about.
- John 17:21,22,26 Our unity will help the world to believe. That unity comes from the glory bestowed on us so that God's love may be in us. Glory?
- Help me Lord to reflect Your sweet attitude to others in the midst of adversity so that 'Jesus may be manifested in our body'. II Corinthians 4:10
- God has promised me, through (name) and others, to use me in a big way.'Experiencing God' says that there is sometimes a delay in getting that assignment as God develops my character. Help me Lord to wait patiently in Your intimacy as You develop my character. To stress only delays the process. Help me Lord to have the faith necessary to not stress and the strength not to act out in anger. Help me to remember that this process is not just for me but for all those God plans to help through me.
- When I saw Dad go through a mid-life crisis, what I saw was a man without a purpose. That is what scared me.
- Lord, help me to defeat stress. Guide me to understand why I do it and how to escape situations that trap me. Thank You for showing me that stress is blocking me from being able to discern. Help me to see what the clothes change has to do with it.
- Forgive me Lord for obsessing about the future. It shows a lack of faith in You. Instead, I should look at life as a series of spontaneous adventures. Help me to just focus on You.
- Zachariah 12:10 Because of her hard heart, Israel will have to wait till the last moment of this age to receive the promise of receiving the 'Spirit of grace and supplication'. But I claim that promise now for myself and the group so that we could pray with humility and tears.
- Lord, I offer You (name) just as Abraham offered Isaac. I can't save her from destruction but You can.
- Help me Lord not to get frustrated as You change me as You have promised. I am so eager for the change but it doesn't seem to be happening. Help me to remember that my part is more about submitting to Your will than in 'getting it right'.
- (name) is in a severe depression, so is (name). (name) is sliding down to disaster. I am fighting the guitar and it is winning. (name)'s kids are completely resisting Your hand in the changes brought on by this marriage. The divorce is back to square one. Yet 9name) and I are rejoicing because You have shown us the chariots of fire on the hillsides. Praise You. Thank You for showing us where this is heading.
- I realize even more the importance of humility. I see in others as well as myself that pain without humility only leads to bitterness. This not only blocks me from accepting God's loving guidance, but opens up the opportunity for the devil to use me for his purpose. Pain is not the only method God uses to bring about humility. Grace is very effective since it is undeserved. I have realized that I have put the human aspect of priorities on God. As humans, we have priorities because we are limited in what we can do and what we can give attention to. With God, all things are top priority. I told God, just in passing, that it would be nice if someone made a square cast iron skillet to cook my sausage links in. You can't get more trivial than that. God put it on (name)'s heart to get one from a thrift store. God impresses (name) to buy a certain dress that sends me into orbit. These things cause me to have to re-evaluate my perception of God's love. He may ask hard things of us but He feels every detail of our pain. And yes, He cares. Only in humility can I see and accept these loving gestures in the midst of trial. And only in humility can I celebrate God in the midst of pain. No demands. Just gratitude. There is no place for pride in the presence of unconditional love.
- When I get into a difficult situation, I have a tendency to knuckle known and fight or endure. This blinds me from seeing the lamb in the bush. It causes me to have a harsh view of You. I'm obsessed with weathering the storm rather than walking on the water. I'm doing it again by tormenting myself with my impatience toward the wedding date. My life is so much better but I focus on what I cannot have yet. This always turns my situation into an idol. Help me focus on You, Lord. Perhaps this is the thing that I need to learn that I already know. Help me to see Your escape. Not necessarily from the circumstances. The joy that is overwhelming even to martyrs. Instead of mourning at the gate, You have given me the chance to dance in the stall with my perfect soul mate until the date when we can run the field. Help me, Lord, to learn to dance. I know You love me in my head, but my bitter heart refuses to accept it. That's why it is a 'rebellious heart'. I refuse to follow You into joy. 'Do you want to get well?' John 5:6 Help me not to sit by the pool and endure my plight. To limit You to a comfortor instead of a healer. You may not fix the situation but You will fix my heart which is my true source of pain. Forgive me for looking to circumstances to fix my heart rather than to You. This limits Your ability to bless me. Help me to accept Your gifts casually and gratefully and not cling to them in needy dependance. Help me, Lord, to love You deeper as You change my perspective of You and life. Help me to outgrow my bassonet of grief.
- Help me Lord to break the habit of depressionand bitterness. I want to be healed.
- When I fall into the old thinking of conditonal relationship with God, I set myself up for bitterness. That's why You sent me through the last changes to free me. When I start thinking standards, I first start beating up on myself for the reason things aren't happening the way I think they should in the time that I think they should. After I tire of this, I turn on God for expecting too much from me. 'Be still and know that I am God.' 'Wait on the Lord and He will renew your strength.'
- (name) had a word for me this evening. He said that there were changes going to happen to me in ways that I had not thought of. He said that I had had a rebellious heart but that was over. It was reassuring to me to know that I did not need to struggle to see the change. It would happen on time. Also, I was not doing anything wrong by not seeing it yet. I was not holding it up. when I asked God what the rebellious heart was about, He said bitterness. Lord, help me to not try to force Your will so that I don't get bitter. Just submit to it. He said that the change would be to something I already know but yet I don't know.
- When You said 'Peace, be still' I know that You were talking to us as well as the storm. It had to be really bad for the little boats around them. I relate. I follow You and trouble happens. I can't even see You. Lord, help me not to be shocked when You fix the big storm with ease. Help me to find peace in the storm.
- I see now that I am entering another 'dark night of the soul'. That is why You seem so distant. Help me to stay focused on You and not be tempted to stray out of it. I welcome the darkness, however painful, because I know that when I get to the light, I will see You more clearly. I pray that the change will allow me to love You more completely.
- Oh Lord, how do I embrace silence? How do I fellowship with silence? How do I focus on silence and darkness?
- It appears that You require that I change before You will change my circumstances. Perhaps this change is humility more than right brain thinking. All Your paths have been hard and slow. (name) has not seen this side of You. Everything was accomplished by will power and perserverance that You granted rather than by talent. Most efforts failed even then. You have made a vessel with no attractive features. No intellect, no talent, no looks. I am not groveling in hopes of impressing You to move in me. I am simply acknowlidging the truth. It is a walk of faith to approach (name) each time. My job reminds me of my limitations each day. I ask for You to show me what I am doing to slow things down and You point to pride. It must be a problem that I could struggle with it with my history. Forgive me. Life is teaching me how helpless I am. If you finally use me, it will be as I am. As You have shown me so thoroughly, there is no stairway to heaven. No degrees of spirituality. Only degrees of love and that comes from You. As we are humbled enough to accept it unconditionally. I have nothing in myself to grab onto for security. The world offers less. Even with the mind-boggling love of the perfect wife, I continue to freefall. If I drown, I will do so without one paddle. I look to You, only. No demands.
- I feel so lost. You feel so far away. My life looks more like a series of rabbit trails than a purpose driven life. I know (I hope) that there is some pattern yet to be revealed. I feel so lost at my job. It couldn't be much more opposed to my character. It is reaching a breaking point. I can't focus on anything. I can't make clear sentences since I forget common phrases and names. The pain is at least teaching me to separate a little from a marriage relationship. Before (name), it was difficult for me to see how I could not be happy with the perfect wife. I knew it was possible because I knew how important purpose was to me. Now, I can experience it and the difference is very clear. Lord help me. My faith is weak because I feel abandoned by the housing and Spanish situations. I love to trust You not to let me get lost. Following You is what got me here. Help, don't let me drown. It seems that my eyes are on You but I am still sinking. I don't even know what spriritual means anymore. It may not even be real.
- Thank You Lord for reminding me that Your intent is to change me first, then my circumstances. It would not make sense to change the circumstances first. They would not suite me.
- Matthew 8:13; Luke 7:10 'Because you have believed, your request is granted.'
- Guide me Lord, to not approach this change of seeing You and myself differently as an adult (so seriously) but as a child (humbly, childishly). Forgive me for my arrogance of trying to take on as my responsibility to sort through the change but rather to just be willing and open to be changed and enjoy doing it. Thank You.
- Help me Lord to not be distracted by the symptoms and not look into my soul with Your divine light to the real problem. 'Search my soul, Lord and find every evil way.' Guide me with Your hand, Lord, to be convicted each time I react as a victim to my consequences.
- As with Simon Peter and the great catch of fish, blessings can be so humbling Luke 5:8-10
- Help me Lord to still my soul in joy as I did in pain so that I can worship You as more than just a Comfortor.
- Help me Lord to rest in You in the middle of stress.
- Help me Lord to worship You from the perspective of blessings instead of from pain. To avoid being distracted by it.
- 'Something bad happens. I hurt. I feel unhappy. I long to feel good. I ask God for help. I am resolved to feel better. I do whatever I can to make at least a few dreams come true. That is the way of the flesh. Something bad happens. I hurt. I feel unhappy. I long to feel good. But I trust God. His pleasure matters more than mine. But His pleasure includes mine. I believe that. So I abandon myself to His pleasure. I live to please Him. I work hard and live responsibly and strive to put balance in my life because that pleases Him. Making Him feel good is a higher priority than making me feel good. And somehow, inevitably, at some point, I discover joy. That is the way of the Spirit.
I shift from walking in the way of the flesh to walking in the way of the Spirit when the pain of life destroys my confidence in my ability to make life work and when it exposes as intolerable, insubordinate arrogance my demand to feel good. That is the experience of brokeness. It is then that the chain falls off my leg and the heavy ball rolls away. It is then that I fly.' Shattered Dreams p153
- The Lord has brought to my attention that I have some trust issues. Go figure. Lord help me to trust You and not put on You the characteristics of my Dad.
- 'True humility doesn't consist of thinkng ill of yourself but of not thinking of yourself much differently from the way you'd be apt to think of anybody else.' July 31 Listening to Your Life
- A common theme as I look at myself objectively is criticalness even though I have no credibility or achievements to base it on.
- There is a critical juncture after trials enter our lives (which is always). We can either turn to God's love (as described on the previous page) and walk on water like Peter or we can sink into self pity. Turning inward leads to despair, self pity, bitterness and ultimately isolation from God and our fellow man. Turning to God provides the protection of the armour of God (Ephesians 6) against all those things so that we can focus on God in the storm and let His love change us to be passionate rather than self-centered, awake to the wonder instead of blind.
- Trials destroy our false images of God. This destroys our addictions with God (He will do this if I do that). This allows us to love Him truly for love's sake and not for manipulative purposes by seeing His love truly (brokeness vs. validation) That love drives out fear as we no longer base our fellowship with God on the hope that good things will happen as a result of it. But love leaves doubt in the absense of a clear image of God. When we confront the doubt with humility, it is filled (but not removed) by faith. Then and only then am I changed as I let go of self-centered efforts of controlling me and controlling God and become other-centered (awake - loving). God's love is not a means-to-an-end. It is everything.
- Why is it that when the Lord shows me my shortcomings, it stirs my passion? That I understand because that is the definition of passion - the pain caused by the difference between what is and the vision God has given me of what could be. But, if I'm not careful, why does that passion turn to condemnation of everyone but me? Lord, help me not to take every inspiration You give me and whoop up on everyone else with it.
- Results of study on 'Hope'. All references to 'hope' seemed to center on the 'blessed hope' of eternal salvation. There were some slightly different variations such as hope for the salvation of those we have witnessed to (I Thessalonians 2:18) and hope in promises (Hebrews 6:12). But a look at the promises (2878-Thompsons chain notes) show that they all involve heaven or encouragement, comfort, strength, and fellowship with God to carry on His work here. The Bible seemed to stress not looking for hope in this life. 'If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable' (I Corinthians 15:19). Love is about giving without hope of receiving (Luke 6:34). If we come to God only to get a blessing, we are no better than Herod who, the night before Jesus' crucifixion, questioned Him at length, hoping to see a miracle. Jesus did not even answer him so Herod mocked Him (Luke 23:8). This sin of thinking of ourselves can harden our heart against the hope and make us bitter against God like the Israelites who refused the promised land because it looked dangerous (Hebrews 3). I have to remember that Jesus came and went without dealing with the Jews problem of oppression by the Romans. He was concerned only with the spiritual realm. Focusing on the hope changes us. It purifies me (I John 3:3). It humbles us as it allows us to wait patiently (Lamentations 3:24-35). In other words, it is part of the breaking process. It comes ultimately from suffering (Romans 5). Suffering -> perseverance -> character -> hope -> joy. Trials give us hope in the eternal by loosening our grip on the present allowing us to be joyful and at peace in the present as we are filled with God's love. Love always hopes (I Corinthians 13:4-8).
- I had just failed and stumbled once again. The usual feelings of shame and anger rose up and I found my usual place of hiding with my fig leaf. Then I realized that my second sin, my lack of faith in God's grace, was worse than the original sin. The anger was directed at me but I felt it bleed over toward God. Why? It was Satan who had kicked me in the teeth and caused me to stumble. So I began singing the church chorus "All the children singing, 'Allelujah, Glory, Glory, He reigns, He reigns." All of a sudden I felt victorious again. Oh Lord, help me to remember to run to You and not hide. Even in the midst of my failure, I have this sweet moment with You. 'Where sin abounded, grace did much more abound.'
- In the quiet, empty, lonely space of my apartment, I have a good opportunity to learn about God's love. Nothing but reality survives in this laboratory. But, of course, the real test of what I have become acquanted with is in the world, in everyday life.
- Lord, help me in hard times (it's all hard) not to lose hope (faith - substance of things hoped for) which causes me to turn from You lookng for an easier way. Jeremiah 2:25; 18:12 Instead, help it to build character and hope. Romans 5:3 Most of all, help me to hope for the things that You have in store for me instead of hoping for a way out. Without hope (vbision) I perish. I assume this alligning of wills is what You mean by character. When our hope's (will's) are not alligned, my hope dies. I can only hope that by submitting to your tough path that I will fulfill Your purpose.
- Oh Lord, You show me from time to time, as I can bear it, insights into my shortcomings and I grab hold of them in desparation and hysteria and gratefulness. How odd. But somehow, each insight is like a breath of freedom. The more I can see of my lacking, the more I can see of Your abundance. Thank You.
- Anger is a comfortable feeling. It justifies self-centeredness. We lick our wounds while we demonize our enemy and, in the process, deify ourselves. It is addictive and I see many lives on the course of self-destruction that coddle it. It can also be contagious. It stamps out all love that is anywhere nearby. Help me Lord not to be sucked into it's grasp. To relax my heart so I can see the love. As brokeness has no room for validation, it has no room for vindication.
- Broken people do not need validation. The Bible says, 'my strength is made perfect in weakness'. II Corinthians 12:9 'For when I am weak, then am I strong.' II Corinthians 12:11 'Not I, but Christ.' Galatians 2:20
- 'The peace that passes all understanding.' I'll say!
- Something keeps telling me that there is a parallel life happening at the same time and in the same place as this lonely miserable life. Oh, Lord, open the eyes of my heart to see it.
- Worship and gratitude are not the same thing. Either can exist without the other.
- Help me Lord that the pain does not blind me from the wonder. Remind me to lift my head to not miss the miracles You have to show me.
- Horses run when nothing is chasing them. Eagles fly up high even though their bellies are already full. Mountain goats climb up to the remotest ledge even though there is no grass there to eat. Why not man celebrate his strength in whatever form God has gifted him. 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'
- We stand by putting on the armour 'of God'. Ephesians 6 - truth, righteousness, peace, faith and salvation. None of these are from me. It also says to use these by using God's Word and lot's of prayer, not just for me but for everyone else also. Sometimes standing is all I can do. Ephesians 6:13
- I have a tendency to glorify my depression and loneliness as signs of being sanctified by God but there are signs of the sin in my life.
- Suffering alone only generates despair. God's love is required for it to turn to passion. Then it can lead to perserverance, character, hope. Romans 5:3-5.
- If we judge ourselves (claim our identity) by what we do, we will not be able to be awake to other's needs because we will be too busy trying to prove ourselves.
- The 'Dark Night of the Soul' frees us from attachments (addictions as well as false images of God) to a freedom to love God, ourselves and others, to an understanding of one's self and our true identity in God. It is done in a unique way for each person.
- Once again, something I hold onto for reference has broken. I sometimes judge my spiritual walk or a particular insight on the profound emotional experience(s) that accompany it. However, I saw a dark complected woman in a midieval outfit and I was moved to tears. The feeling was indistinquishable from a feeling that had, before that time, been reserved for spiritual experiences. I must rely on love. This experience was not about love. I didn't even know her. It frightens me that I can have such intense feelings for raw desire only. How could I ever recognize true love? How can I recognize truth? I trust You God. I know I cannot trust my intellect. Now I know I cannot trust my emotions.
- I am beginning to see that life is not about what happens but about my perception of what happens.
- When I focus on the pain, I focus on myself and then on my attachments and forget that the pain is my longing for God's love.
- Lord, help me to be awake and relaxed together. Awake does not have to mean tense and relaxed does not have to mean asleep.
- The story of David and Bathseba is a story of a man who was wakened.
- Oh Lord, as it seems that You have requested, I will make my heart prayer (daily repetition prayer) 'Be still and know that I am God'. I know that many mistakes and confusons will be solved if I can live this prayer.
- I enjoy my daughter, but now she is a thousand miles away. I enjoy my brother but he is two thousand miles away. I enjoy male fellowship but can find no one like me and my church does not hardly recognize me. I like teaching Sunday School classes but my church has no adult classes to teach and I can no longer relate to the kids. I want to build houses but I build missiles. I want a house with a buggy car but I live in an apartment where the car would be stolen. I would like a wife but cannot even have a girlfriend. I like movies, but I read books instead to avoid sexual images. I like tennis but settle for hiking. I like weight lifting but have to settle for light weight rehab. I like vacationing in the wilderness but have no friends or family to do it with. It is as if God has systematically taken every enjoyable thing out of my life and replaced it with exercise and studying spanish. Maybe God is consecrating me for something better. Maybe I would forget Him if I had any of these things. Oh Lord, I pray that all this would be worth it at least in your eyes. You promised, 'He who loses his life for my sake will gain it'.
- Why is it that with all the wonderful things You do for me and with me (intense moments, enlightenments, blessings) I still hurt? You do not fit into the hole caused by my pain. You are too big.
- 'And so Jesus also suffered outside the entry gate to make the people holy throgh His own blood. Let us, then, go to Him outside the camp,bearing the disgrace He bore. For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are lookng for the city that is to come.' Hebrews 13:12,13 The first part of the chapter warns against secual immorality, love of money, and religion. Help me Lord to be content outside the camp.
- Help me Lord, once again, to remember that lfe is not a puzzle to be solved or a problem to be fixed. Help me instead to work with the materials You have given me, even the pain, to form a work of heart to allow people to see You in a unique way.
- Help me Lord not to fret over the 'good' and 'bad' things that heppen knowing that 'all things work together for the good' and 'to be content whatever the circumstances'. You use all of it to do Your will.
- 'A child wants to know what she can get away with; an adult understands that boundaries exist for his own good; a parent voluntarily sacrifices her freedom for the sake of others.' p.237 Reaching for the Invisible God
- Help me Lord to look at life in only 24 hours at a time as an opportunity to please You and change as a result. I get discouraged and depressed when I look too far into the unknown future. 'Seize the day.' Forget about the big picture and trust You. Life is not about opportunities and circumstances, but attitude.
- We need to come to God with a childlike faith rather than a childish faith so we can mature instead of being stifled. The difference is 'unrealistic expectations versus open-minded faith, leagalism versus grace, unhealthy dependance versus childlike trust'. p.220 Reaching for the Invisible God
- Regret is in the past and anxiety is in the future. Joy is only in the present. Philippians 14:4-9 We can keep a clear perspective by remembering (bringing all back together to see it's true meaning and purpose). Psalms 8 We need to be joy events. The world is hungry for joy. Dave Fleming
- Psalms 131 Lord, help me to grow past the infant stage of crying for You to supply all my needs but rather to desire You Yourself, shifting my 'center of gravity' from me to You.
- 'My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You.' p.195 Reaching for the Invisible God Thomas Merton
- 'Francis de Sales wrote, 'Now the greater our knowledge of our own misery, the more profound will be our confidence in the goodness and mercy of God, for mercy and misery are so closely connected that the one cannot be exercised without the other.' de Salas decried those who stumbled and then wallowed in their wretchedness: 'How miserable I am! I am fit for nothing!' True followers of God quietly humble themselves and rise again courageously.' p.194 Reaching for the Invisible God
- One attractiveness to having a wife is that the moments I picture us together I am fully present. Can I be fully present by myself? Can I be fully present with other people? Depression fights attentiveness.
- 'Attention cultivates sensitivity to what is and what could be.' Dave Fleming Keep awake to the possiblilities of the Spirit to me and through me.
- 'What I place my attention on determines what I will become.' Dave Fleming If I only notice negative things, it will feed my depression.
- It is not necessarily my experiences with God that changes me, but my relentless pursuit through darkness and trials and temptations.
- When You feel absent, the whole world feels absent. When You are present, everything is OK.
- '...it is the risking, not the trusting, that we most fully live our consecration.'p115 The Awakened Heart.
- Help me Lord to go through life awake, with my heart awake and not on autopilot like a robot.
- Without Your grace, I will sink into the bottomless pit of despair.
The most repeated command in the Bible is 'fear not' listed 365 times. We do this by love - 'perfect love drives out fear'. And 'We love because He first loved us'. Trials destroy our false images of God. This destroys our addictions with God (no longer hope in good things happening) so that we can love Him truly (for love's sake and not for manipulative purposes - brokeness) by seeing His love. Summary: Love drives out fear but leaves doubt (left in the absence of clear images of God). When we confront the doubt with humility, it is filled by faith. Then and only then can I be changed as I let go and become other centered.
- Faith is a daily gift from God, not a learned skill.
- We seek spiritual strength because of trials yet trials are God's way of providing spiritual strength.
- Oh Lord, help me to leave my spiritual growth in Your hands to go in the direction and speed that You choose as I pray, meditate and act as You direct.
- Oh Lord, help me to allow You to define who I am and let go of the more concrete images I have made of myself and therefore, of You.
- 'The opposite of faith is not doubt, but fear.' p46 Reaching for the Invisible God.
- Doubt creates space that faith can one day fill if we handle it with humility.
- 'Those who honestly confront their doubts often find themselves growing into a faith that transends the doubts.' p42 Reaching for the Invisible God
- 'Doubt always coexists with faith, for in the presence of certainty, who would need faith at all?' Reaching for the Invisible God
- 'Faith appears where least expected and falters where it should be thriving.' p39 Reaching for the Invisible God
- Concepts create idols, only wonder grasps anything.' Gregory of Nyssa
- My pain is my offering to You. Use it as You see fit.
- Faith builds a bridge between human will and divine grace so that they are no longer opposed. We want what God wants when we trust in Him.
- Real faith can never rest in comfort. If it does, it is no faith at all or it is an attachment which is superstition such as to a ritual. Once we are attached, faith becomes self-serving and we will defend it, convert others or even silence others. This is what happened to Jesus.
- I realize now that God was 'un-habituating' me during those 2 1/2 weeks of silence. Our mind adapts to anythng constant so that we no longer notice it. What could be more constant than God's love expressed in the presence of the Holy Spirit in us? Business and stress further aggrevates the problem.
- Hosea 2:16 ''In that day', declares the Lord, 'you will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call me 'my master'.'
- Trials allow grace to shine.
- I am slow to see it, but Your guidance appears to be less a series of intellectual markers down a narrow path than a revelation of freedom and passion. Instead of plodding along a long dusty path in the dessert, I realize that I have always been n the middle of the promised land. It is a matter of perspective. But it will always be stormy. The promsised land is not prosperity, it is love.
- Our temptations, also translated tests or trials, that we create along the path of our lives, is a fingerprint of who we are. In our struggles, our own cross to bear, we discover our passions and our goodness that we could not see in calm sees. These trials are not for God to see if we are good, He already knows it. How can we choose God's freedom of love without the bondage of addictions in our life? In the darkness of trials, we can see God's glory more clearly. 'When I am weak (humble) then am I strong.' Thanks to the trials of temptations. I am able to choose God's love with dignity. Where is love in an easy choice? Where is passion without pain?
- As the Lord clears away the fog of my attachments, I expect to see the trail more clearly. What I see, instead, is my images of God vaporize and an open field of freedom to frolic in. I don't want to frolic, I have been instituionalized by my sins of addiction and I want to be told what to do and when to do it. That is dependence, not intimacy. I can't frolic, my neck is to stiff from tension. 'Come to me as little children.' Could it be that not only do I take myself too seriously, but I take God too seriously also? Is there anything more fearful than play? Oh Lord, will You play with me?
- God has given us the free choice to love Him. But how can that choice have any dignity without other good options? The pain of choosing God over the other options, by faith, is our show of love to God.
- The devil builds chains to bind me, to attach me to different things on this earth, literally in my head. But the material he uses is my doubt that God will not 'withhold any good thing from me'.
- Jeremiah 29:11-13 ''For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.''
- I am addicted to stress, physically and emotionally. Exercise helps, but I can't focus at all, let alone on God. I can focus on a book, but not God. What is focusing on God? God is a very big subject. It is as hard to keep my mind empty as it is my heart. Meditation is critical to my fellowship with God. Lord, help me to 'Be still'. Help me to just remember to relax my shoulders.
- Help me Lord to be able to rest in my needs. Not to fanticize or despair my way out of it.
- In order to get my stress in order, I need to get my addictions in order.
- Lord, help me not to get caught up in the miserable, mundane maintenance of life and forget to notice what is happening to me, because that is where You are.
- It is as if the Lord is trying to teach me to walk (by faith). He comes and suddenly my addictions loose their power and my perspective is crystal clear. Then He let's go and I fall on my face, longing for everything but Him till depression sets in.
- The more addictions that take control of my life, the harder it is to meditate in silence - 'Be still and know that I am God'.
- Part of my addiction is that every time I learn something new, I begin to fanticize about teaching it rather than applying it.
- 'The alternative to disappointment with God seems to be disappointment without God.' p246 Disappointment with God Philip Yancey
- Yancey felt that, according to Jesus, that the end of human history would boil down to one issue: 'When the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?' Luke 18:8
- As C.S. Lewis pointed out, our longings are proof that we were made for another reality. How can a fish long for dry land unless it was meant to one day be there? He has no comprehension that he is wet.
- Oh Lord, a wonderful time it will be when I am as excited about spending a moment with You as I am about studying about You.
- 'Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory.' p173 Disappointment with God
- It is so scarry. My life is either a pathetic existence or a show of faith. Both look the same. Only God can see the difference.
- I am having trouble hearing the 'still, small voice'. I am either distracted or dosing. There are too many noises. The noises are due to stress. The stress is due to the struggle to deal with the unmet need of loneliness. How do I relax?
- Lord, I want to occasionally snuggle and rest from the never ceasing onslought of the hurried, cold mundaness of life.
- Forgive me Lord for always looking at our relationship from my point of view and not Yours. Perhaps, this is why You have allowed me to be in relationships all my life with people who did that to me.
- Lord, help me to have the faith to be content with the longings that You have given me and not to resort to control or sink in despair. Help me to not focus on my needs but on You and Your rest. Lord, help me to worship and grieve and see the the beauty You provide. Help me to just take joy as it comes. Help me to let go.
- Help me Lord to hear the meadowlark's song in the midst of the storm. To look forward to summer and not sink into the cold of winter. Help me to be ever vigilent and mindfull of my heart.
- The devil tells me, 'Who cares about God when you hurt this bad'. He gets me to take my eyes off God and onto the storm which leads to despair, depression and more loneliness.
- Hosea 2:6-7,14,16 The Lord says He will block my path with thornbushes so I can't chose false lovers but instead go back to Him so that He will no longer be master but husband. Forgive me Lord for looking over the fence of thorns and mourning like a 'she camel' in heat. Jeremiah 2:23,24 NIV
- I was taught that when we go to heaven, we will all be the same age. This issue came up because of infant mortality as well as those that die of old age. However, would it be too far-fetched to challenge the assumption that we will all be adults? What if we are all going to be 8 years old? Pick an age. Would we be willing to do that? The Bible says that there will be no gender. Pre-puberty makes sense. The Bible says that we will be all-knowing. May I challenge the thought that knowledge may not be the kind we learn in school? Knowledge of what? Love? Would we be willing to give up our present adult knowledge to gain the knowledge that only innocence can understand? Would that feel that we are giving up our independence? I believe, in the Spirit world, especially in the context of a place without time, that age does not exist. What I am talking about is perspective. I do believe that the knowledge I gain in this world will shape me in the world to come, but I also believe that, when I get there, all of my understanding will melt into a very long 'OOOH'.
- Is it OK to be openly needy as long as we validate others that do the same?
- Life will validate whatever perspective we chose to see it in.
- Help me Lord to not take anything, except love, seriously again.
- I grew up in a world where love, and therefore security, were the rarest commodity. The result was that I developed a perspective of life similar to a gladiator pit. I needed to be tough and when life reared it's ugly head, usually caused by running into someone else with the same perspective, I needed to attack back with full force to keep the ever present evil at bay. Sometimes I would question my perspective, but life would always validate it again. 'Come to Me as little children.' Life is not a gladiator pit. It is a playground. Life, and so people, reflect our attitude. If we attack others, they attack back. Both sides claim defense, but over time, the first blow becomes irrelevant. Our fear sees a gun in every pocket. 'The first shall be last.' In this crazy world, a child's perspective rules. They are the only ones that live without fear. So whether we are a fighter or isolator, wouldn't life be a lot better if we could just get a hug? Wouldn't the list of fears dwindle if we did not take life so seriously and saw each other as children that need a hug? If I could only attain the perspective of my dogs. Even when something really does go wrong, wouldn't it be better if we all used hugs as our natural response? We won't fear others if we are able to laugh at ourselves. If only we could remember always that love is the most important thing and the only thing to be concerned about is us losing our playground perspective. Only a child can love purely. Or a dog.
- In the humbleness of facing our issues we find self-esteem and in confession of those faults one-to-another we find honour. Our pride tells us that the most important thing is to 'do better'. Our God says that the most important this is to love.
- Respect comes through honesty.
- I'm looking forward to a place where fun is meaningful and work is fun.
-Question - Is a life wasted that devotes itself by faith for something in vain? Answer - The Bible says that the prophets looked to the coming of the Messiah and died without seeing. Their life was fuller being filled with hope. That is better than a life with no hope at all. So if someone tells me that I am wasting my life trusting God to do something that they say will never happen, my answer is, 'At least I'm trusting God'.
- It's not that I have a whole lot of faith, I just don't have the luzury to doubt.
- What good is life if we are not willing to sacrifice it? 'He that loses his life for My sake shall find it.'
- The Bible says that faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains, that we can do all things through Him who strengthens us, that He provides both the will and the way. These all prevent the excuse, 'I can't'. It even elliminates, 'I don't want to'. All we are left with is, 'I won't'. Isn't it much better to say, 'I do'?
- Philippians 4 - the recipe for the abundant life. 1) Rejoice - vs 4. How? 2) Don't stress just pray and accept God's peace - vs 6,7. How? 3)See the positive in the spiritual - vs 8-9. 4) Then you can rejoice in God and be content in all physical circumstances knowing that things are working to develop spiritual goals - vs 10-12. 5) In that perspective (God's), I can do anything - vs 13. That is abundance. 6) We can pursue this path courageously knowing that our basic needs will be taken care of.
- We become what we hate and we hate what we fear.
- Independence and strength are polar opposites.
- Independence is a myth.
- I am going through a tough test of my faith. Is it ok that I feel a lot of stress? Is it necessary? God has offered me the ability to be stronger. Do I want that? Part of me wants to be weak. To be on the edge of collapse. Perhaps God would have mercy on me and end the test, rescuing me with His powerful presence. If I become stronger, do I let God off the hook? Will He feel that He can now prolong the trial? Worst yet, will He feel free to introduce even harder trials in the future? Am I looking at the storm or at God? Is relief my goal or is it intimacy? If I am not seeking to allign my heart with His, I will sink into the harsh waves. I accept the strength in order to connect more deeply with God and others. With fear, I accept however much of His purpose that He wants to perform in me. Help me Lord not to limit You so that I can have just enough of Your purpose to keep my life in proper perspective and enough charity to feel good about myself. How strong do I want to be?
- We sit waiting for destruction. Any ministry that we hoped for is cast aside as people mock, 'They saved others, but they cannot save themselves'. It appears that You have forsaken us. But we wait on Your glory. That through our suffering, many will be healed.
- I do not know what I want or need. I have met very few people that do. Therefore, is it appropriate to petition God on what He should do? Jesus said to pray in this manner, 'Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven'. Lord, shape my will to be Your will.
- What is false hope? Hoping in something that doesn't happen or hoping in something that shouldn't happen? Hope can be a dangerous thing because it can be either an escape or a reality check. Are we open to let God shape our dreams?
- I am trying a dangerous experiment. To try to dream with God and see if I can hear His voice in it. I may find joy and/or disappointment, but I am expecting to find Him in either.
- This is a frightening place to stand because I do not stand here on Your promises but on hope. Hope that You are not just a practical God, but a romantic God. I 'worship You in Spirit and in truth'. I fear dying (my spirit in me) in the desolation of practicality more than I fear the pain of disappointment. How do we encourage people to dream in a world where tragedy exists? Is it possible to alter our expectations without lowering them?
- Have we become too practical? Is being practical being mature or is it putting priority on the physical over the spiritual? Is it childish to place aesthetics on the same level as our basic needs? Can we ask too much of God? Do I expect too much or is everyone jaded? I believe that low expectations have caused me to lose the path. Dare I dream in a disappointing world? Could it be that the illusive God is hiding in my dreams? What a frightening place. Can we have faith apart froom dreams? Are they not the same thing? To dream makes me more vulnerable to the disappontments of life and more dependent on a God that sometimes does not show up. Help me Lord to dream in accordance to Your dreams. If I dream God's dreams, will that protect me from disappointment? Is God's dreams ever disappointed? Is it better to dream and be disappointed than to not dream at all? How big is God? Lord, give me the courage to dream for if I stop dreaming, I stop being.
- Submitting conditionally is not submitting at all.
- How much God do we want? Do I want more than I need? Am I one of the 9 lepers?
- Immediately behind our deepest longing is our deepest fear. The threat or obstacle to our deepest longing. If we are willing to look through both of these, we will find the kind face of God. Just as Peter looked past his fear of drowning. What is in front of our deepest longing? Our deepest wound. If we do not look to God, our deepest fear will rule and prevent our deepest longing perfectly and prevent us from searching for God. When we walk this path and find God, our deepest wound and deepest longing become our deepest strength and shape our walk with God in helping others.
- God is only as big as our dreams. Do we have the courage? If we see things as they could be, we see things as they are. Not in heaven, but here on earth.
- It is not natural for us to pursue our identity because the instant we discover who we are, we lose control of our life to God. How can we withhold all of that power from those that need our help? Also, with the power, God gives us the heart to want to use that power for a specific cause. It is safer to elevate the emotional injuries in our life and say that we are too damaged and weak to be of any use to God. But it is these very same trials that God was using to shape our identity and our heart.
- I am no exception to the rule that God matches assignments to our weakest point. Our gifts to our most profound shortcomings. I am the emotional healer to guide people to happiness even wth just a touch. Yet I have never known happiness. My most intense emotions, love and passion, that God has given and intensified in me, I describe in terms of pain. I don't even like to wear bright colors. It keeps us humble so His poer can flow through us pure and unhindered as possible.
- I limit how much God can show me when I stress about these things. They are in His hands.
- When God moves slow I speed up. Lord help me to quiet my spirit and move in sinc with You.
- A man without a purpose is no man at all.
- There are many who try to simplify life through judgementalism, but God does it through love.
- Help me Lord to have the wisdom to approach people in their own language and perspective. When dealing with the prostitute and the Samaritan, Jesus spoke in love. When He spoke to the religious Pharisees, He spoke about law. Was He harsher to the religious? No, He could not have said anything that would hurt Mary more than His forgiveness. He was brutal. I suspect she walked away more devastated than the Pharisees whom He called skankes and vipers.
-Why is it that when God shows Himself powerfully, I take it lightly and when He does not, I take it hard?
- Psalms 111:10 'The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom'. If we are not confused we are not on the right track. The truth is that we don't have all of it as God points out to Job because it is too difficult to understand. That's where fear or respect of God comes in as well as rest from the endless pursuit to know everything.
- I complain at my weakness and relize that I am weak because I do not want to be strong. I want to receive instead of giving out of emptiness. The world (including those in it) require me to be strong and , I velieve, this is the source of a lot of my rage.
- Focusing on my neediness causes me to look to receiving rather than giving for fullfillment.
- Fear is a real flag to identify where our demons are at.
- Controllingness happens when my God is not as big as my mistakes or any one else's. God has worked through my stumblings as well as when I 'do it right'. He does the same for others.
- Philippians 2:12 - '...work out your own salvation with fear and trembling'. Our fears tell us where our demons are. No one can tell us where they are, only we know (our own salvation). THat does not mean to do it alone because our fears usually involve releationships. If we are not able to face our fears, we are not able to let others face theirs either. Fertile ground for religiosity.
- God does not speak through fear but through power.
- Silence is a time for intimacy, not a time for fear.
- When I do not trust God in tough times, I do not connect with Him. This prevents me from finding out who I truly am. The bad situations might haave still happened, but they would have seemed a lot different in the midst of His loving presence.
- When I get angry at God for things that happen in my life, I am probably not taking responsibility for my part in the delima. When I ask, 'Why did You allow that?', I am sometimes saying, 'Why didn't You make them do it right?' or 'Why didn't You punish them?'. If I take responsibility for my part in the problem, I will see that the answer is mercy towards me.
- 'Ye have not because ye ask not.' Is that just talking about asking God?
- We have no identity outside of Christ. John the Baptist was waiting execution and desparately wanted to make sure that Jesus was the Messiah. Jesus told them to tell John all that Jesus was doing and tell John that he was the greatest prophet of all. These two things went together. If Jesus was not Jesus then John the Baptist was not John the Baptist. Unless Jesus was the Messiah, all of John's sacrificing was in vain. We have to fully see who Jeus is to see who we are. We need to see past the caos of life to see the overall purpose and see how we fit into that purpose. Otherwise we are part of the caos and are lost.
- Peace is not lack of turmoil.
- There is a steady rage seathing under the surface. It shows it's enormous energy when I push myself too hard or if some slight thing doesn't go well, or just because it hasn't come out in a while. When I have it safely tucked away, it comes out as tension and I find myself talking too fast or pacing even when I am positive. This tension and anger is based on a life that is intolerably lacking what I need. It gets worse when I get confused about what I need, such as a spouse. I do need a spouse, but I need community more. There is a lot more evidence that I will one day get community than that I will get a wife (even though I know I will get both). When my hope is built on something that does not seem to be happening, there is stress. If we would all focus on getting community, it will happen sooner and we will be suprised how much of my need is met without a spouse.
- It takes much more humility to confront harshly than easily.
- It is sobering to see my rock-solid devotion to God's purposes crumble under small trials.
- Lord, my heart's desire is not that You will be more real to me, but more real to those that You have me to love and pray for. When You accomplish Your will in them, You have become more real to me. Lift my burden of unfulfilled dreams for those I love and then, I will be lifted into Your presence.
- Throughout our lives, we constantly draw conclusions, perspectives and opinions on countless subjects. Some with divine guidance, more or less. Once we have made one of these decisions, we are blind to our prejudice as it becomes part of our reality and is cemented into our subconscious. We may think that we are fully submissive to God without any awareness of these. We unconsciously resist God's guidance to return to one of these issues because we feel we have already covered that. But even if we made that original opinion with prayer, God might feel that we are ready to see it with one more layer removed. We never fully know anything and in order to be clay in God's hand, we must always, in humility, keep that as an integral part of all of our perspective. No opinion is final. Any disdain that we have toward any person or group of people or ideas or philosophies must be seen as a potential blockage of God's will and we must be willing for God to bring us to reexamining it according to His Word. Help me. Lord,, to reexamine all of my animosities under the spotlight of Your love. And with humility, allow You to draw me to reexamine a point that You and I have discussed many times, knowing that my knowledge and perspectives are terribly limited. Help me to look at each of my points of disdain as a possible open door for me to see with Your love what is being blocked by Satan's bitterness.
- Oh Lord, how dare You to dram such lofty visions for the future. You mock the oppression of the present situation. How can I carry the burden of hopes so stretched beyond reason? Thank You Lord. Help me to deal gratiously with myself and others as I tolerate the present.
- Sometimes revelations from God are so profound, that rather than breed arrogance and pride, it breeds humility because, if I do not know something this much of my core, what else do I not know? You would think, as I get older, that ureka experiences would get smaller and more paultry as I get wiser. But no, they get more fundamental and inclusive affecting not just a portion of my life but my view of life in general. How can I ever be dogmatic since it seems that these ureka experiences will continue to the end of my days? Thank You Lord.
- Mathew 23:29-31 Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for building monuments to the prophets cnd claiming that they wouldn't have killed them had they been born back then but Jesus knew that they were to kill the greatest Prophet of all. We built the Lincoln Memorial and claim that we would have stood up against slavery had we lived back then but we are silent on abortion Lou Engals
- Lord, Your dreams seem so far-fetched that my faith faulters and my hope fails. You want to make (name) a core member of community? (Name), a revolutionary against religion? Me, an evangelist? I can only feel despair. But it must be You. My imagination could not come up with such crazy ideas. That gives me hope. Help me not to take on the overhwelming task to get these things to happen but be eager to play a part.
- When I am still, my mind wanders to sex. I believe part of the reason is that when I am still, my spirit awakens. The Devil detours my spirit toward sex so that I will not find God and what He is saying.
- Lord, forgive me for desiring to speak in eloquence which has it's roots in Greek paganism. Your style is simple and loving so that You alone are praised.
- If we have a view that life is out to get us, it reflects on our attitude toward people since they are part of that life. Life and people have a way of accommodating that viewpoint.
- As a comforter, I need to really keep my pride in check. God will continually tell me things to correct, challenge or encourage others. This does not mean I am more spirtual or insightful than others. The message is to me as well as to those He has me give it to.
- 'My heart rests more now than it used to...it knows that not everthing is a fight...much of life is simply a romance.' p192 Way of the Wild Heart
- In order for God to develop our manhood, He needs to challenge and push us through hardships. Unless there is a strong bond and faith that He loves us, this will feel like rejection. This lack of bonding goes back to our natural father's lack of bonding that left us with the perception, 'I am on my own'. Challenges feel more like threats. p59 Way of the Wild Heart
- To make it out of the comfort zone does not require intense Bible knoledge, a disciplined moral life, dedication to religious activities, to stop thinking about sex, etc. It just requires a desire, not the ability, to care for others. Resist the temptation to nullify your gift by comparing to others. As with the widow's mite, we cannot see the heart.
- Many times, God has to hold out on blessings because we are in the comfort zone. If He blesses us there, it will only make it harder to leave.
- The scarry part about the comfort zone is that the longer we are there, the colder our heart gets and so the less likely we will hear God's call to leave, let alone be pricked with conscience or passion. This is the path of the reprobate mind. pgs. 85-88 Encouragement
- The fear that prevents people from leaving the comfort zone is that, 'what if I'm just being greedy and I fail to find any passion and then I can't find my way back to the comfort zone?'.
- There is the 'valley of the shadows of death', the comfort zone, and the passion zone. The comfort zone is the most scariest place. Some, like me, are fortunate enough to start out in the 'valley of the shadows of death' . Trials and hardships force people into action. Most resort to addictions and live the rest of their lives on the edge of destruction. A precious few turn to God and He rescues them to the green pastures, the comfort zone. The comfort zone is far more dangerous because even fewer people get out alive than from the 'valley of the shadows of death'. The reason, of course, is that few want to. Those that started out in the comfort zone have less chance than those that came from the 'valley of the shadows of death' because these have not, at least, tasted of the heavenly fellowship. The key to a passion filled christian life is the willingness to leave the comfort zone to seek God. My job is to give those in the comfort zone a taste of the passion so that they will no longer be comfortable in the comfort zone.
- The best way not to get caught up into lustful fantasies is to focus my restless spirit on God's purpose.
- If we have trouble finding God, maybe it is because we are actually looking for a solution to our problems and for Him to fix them rather than looking for Him directly and to what He is doing so we can participate with Him rather than vice versus.
- (name) said I have a wall. It must be that the wall was between me and God when I go through trials. Thank You Lord for tearing down that wall.
- Trusting God - when my needs not being met does not make me feel fruther from God.
- One reason that Peter was able to walk on water is that he recognized Jesus. Everyone thought He was a death angel and would not look at Him as He walked by. Peter faced his biggest fear as a fisherman and stared into the face of what he thought was the death angel. Instead he saw his Saviour. We see Christ clearest when we face our fears. There is where trust is cultivated.
- The problem of putting our pain on a pedestal above other's pain is that the severity of the pain depends on the person, not the circumstance. A little girl losing a puppy could be nust as tragic as an adult losing a parent.
- When we elevate our pain, we elevate ourselves for our spiritual maturity to have dealt with such enormous pain. What we call maturity, however, is mostly survival. We feel that by analyzing and focusing on our pain, that we have deeper insight into God. However, it is focusing on other's pain, not our own, that draws us to a clearer understanding of God. Focusing on our own pain only makes us arrogant. The only reason to focus on our's or anybody else's pain is to dunderstand how we have improperly coped with that pain in order to avoid trusting God which is all that survival is.
- I don't know anyone that is not overwhelmed with a personal secret issue. And this issue has been put on a pedestal to be far greater than anyone else's issue. This causes two roadblocks to sharing in a group setting which none of them see as even tolerable even though the Bible says to. We prefer to let a pastor do all the work and hopefully he will touch on my issue with a secret clue to fix it. Most have given up hope of this silly notion, almost. The funny thing is that airing out our issues would take them off the pedestal. The first roadblock is that my issue is too big for any group of christians to understand, let alone solve. They can't even solve their little problems. My struggle with this issue has brought me far above the crowd in spirtual understanding so what benefit is there for me to share? Which brings up the second roadblock. Since my issue is so much bigger than everyone else's, why should I stoop down to their level to discuss their pitifully little problems. The funny thing is that this secret ssue that each of us worship is not so big and this would be obvious if we were to all open up and share. And what's not so funny is that our real issue is much bigger than the one on the pedestal that blinds us of our big fault (a cold heart) and from the pain of other's issues. I find it frustrating that the things that people are most offended about me are the characteristics that God has developed in me and the faults of mine that most offend me they don't see as a problem. Oh Lord, the biggest problem wth christianity is that the culture is so self-centered and hard-hearted that it has less sense of the need for community than the world. Spiritual growth is a personal path to most. We have nothing to offer until we can open up our hearts to one another.
- Life is unpredictable and unfair so that we will have to trust God and not ourselves. p174 Finding God So that we will focus on finding God rather than fixing our problems.
- The root of low self esteem is actually pride in order to avoid the pain of admitting that no relationship other than the one with God will be fully satisfying. Everyone will disappoint us. Instead of being drawn to God, we take on the responsibility for the disappointment and try to find stisfaction in this world by trying to find some fault in us that makes us less loveable. The Devil will allow us to see that so that we will either work hard to fix it or accept God's forgiveneess on the cross to cure us of self-hatred. We must, instead, repent of trying to work around God and let our disappointments in relationships draw us to God. We accept forgiveness for this more root sin and are drawn to be more like Christ so that we can be connected with Him more deeply which requires an increased dependence on His Spirit. My focus was no longer to need to be better in order to be loved by others, which is self-centered, but a desire to be more Christ-like which is other-centered. This requires me to trust that God can satisfy.
- Either we feel overwhelmed by life's struggles through relationships and plain logistics as they attack our manhood or we are numb and are not in the struggle at all.
- Help me Lord to resist the Devil's attempt to stir up my needs into a big froth.
- I see a pattern among gay men and so somewhat in all men of our culture that so much attacks masculinity - the perception that any amount of discomfort is bad and must be avoided. Macho type guys seem to thrive on discomfort riding open cab vehicles in the winter and motorcycles with leather on in the summer. The difference seems to be centered about control. The one group sees control as a comfort and the other sees it as a prison. I believe one reason for the need for control is lack of self esteem or confidence. Although both extremes can have self esteem problems, a person with confidence can be comfortable even when things are not going perfect.
- We have all suffered much more than we have ever thought possible. As we focus on the need, everything else and everyone else diminishes, including God. We see our need as unique and so put it on a pedestal above everyone else's or we take a 'get over it' mentality and stuff it. Both approaches minimize other people's pain and our ability to reach out to them. Both ways put us on a pedestal by looking down on others for not dealing with their own pain and neediness better. I believe we need to face the pain and then to offer it to God. The curse on this world is not a punshment. It was meant to be more than we could bear. Therefore, depending on how we deal with it, it can grind us to powder or make us strong. If we fight it, it will destroy us. If we run from it, it will catch us. If we allow it to humble us, we will find the stength, not only to not be overwhelmed with the pain, but the additional strength to deal with the weakness and selfishness the pain has caused. It allows us to face our pain and then to face others so that we care for them and not criticize or minimize. We see the pain as only a tool in God's hands to mold us into His image and so we can take it off of it's pedestal and therefore take us off of ours also. When we humble ourselves to validate other's pain, we can pray with them that it can do it's owrk and we can see God's hand not only in their lives, molding them, but in ours, molding us. The biopic blindness is over and we can see circumspectly and not just focus on ourselves. It bonds us together so we don't have to suffer alone. Then God does not appear so cruel as His love flows through us and to us with others. Help me Lord to focus on You and Your work.
- We come to You, all of us contemplatives, resting on the promise of the Beatitudes that You gave us. Especially, the first one, 'blessed are the poor in spirit for their's is the kingdom of God'. What does this mean? It sounds infinite. At the very least, it means that You promise to be as real as our pain of our need. That is pretty big since, at any time, if we focus on our need, it is overwhelming. That means that at any time, if we focus on You, You can be overwhelming. With that in mind, we offer our need, along with the hope that You will meet that need, to You as an offering. We refuse to anesthesize ourselves with TV or any other addictive comfort as is customary in our culture, because we find nothing in this world worthy or capable of distracting us from our desire to have intimacy with You. We leave our spirits open knowing that it only makes our pain more intense. But we do no let the overwhelming pain consume our focus and our senses (emotional, physical, spiritual) because we offer that pain to You, thanking You for it, because it is our ticket to the kingdom. If that pain is necessary for You to be real to us, we are thankful for it. Oh Lord, this is a mystery I do not understand. I do know that we will not be able to survive our pain in this vulnerable position. We puzzle with the serenity, not knowing what part of the pain is our cross to bear and what part is self inflicted. You promise that 'he that looses his life for my sake will find it' and we wait for that. Help us to 'seek ye first the kindom of God and all these things will be added unto you'.
- The point is not to find answers, the point is to find God.
- I struggle with obsessing about intimacy with (name) as an escape. It is so frustrating because I want to focus on being intimate with God. Is it simply a matter of not focusing on the struggle and thereby giving it power? Does it really warrant so much attention that I fantasize too much?
- Men, by nature, are restless and unfulfilled and so we are always moving. We can move toward God or we can move to meet our needs. We will either build up others or us them. He develops others or controls them.
- When despair comes, You vanish as a mist. Help me to remember who You are and what You have done in my life that I not worship idols.
- Small egos have small Gods.
- I would trade all of the wise sayings in the world for a clear perspective.
- In order to connect with God, we have to connect with ourselves.
- Unless God is our all consuming focus, anything that we desire has the risk of becoming an idol.
- Paradox - through oppression our spirit is awakened to dance.
- Life is very simple when we are still. When we are pursuing God, we run into our issues and things get complicated.
- When I complain that God is not revealing my path anymore, I must question whether or not I am still moving.
- The mind is not to stifle the feelings but to focus them. p.158 Renewal of the Mind
- We know we are in a rut when it doesn't take much to knowck it off track.
- Maxim for counselors 'Never allow a noble reason for foolishness and sin'. Evil cannot produce good and vice versus. p.123 Renewal of the Mind Evil motives always lie behind evil deeds. Good things can never lie behind bad deeds.
- No one is immune from evil mind control. There are no independent thinkers. Christians and atheists alike get caught up in this fantasy. The only cure is the love of Christ which is beyond knowledge. Ephesians 3:18-19 p.112 Renewal of the Mind
- The totally objective mind is a fantasy.
- (name) wanted to minimize my pain by saying everyone suffers. I felt angry and hurt because I want to worship my pain. To be special due to the exteme of my pain. It was upsetting that she did not worship it with me. It is so hard to accept that being special is very common. Forgive me Lord for putting my pain on a pedestal.
- Help me Lord, not to be like the two men on the road to Emmaus who were so wrapped up in despair over the 'bad' things happening in their lives that they failed to see Jesus in their midst.
- A desire for God must be more important than the discomfort of the storm in order to walk on the water (keeping our eyes on Him).
- A true faith in God that whatever His intentions for us is good and the plan to get us there is perfect is the only cure for codependency. Our codependency with God needs to be be broken before our codependency with people can be broken. It is true that that path may lead to martyrdom, but that may be the only way that we can be free of our demons so we can see God clearly from this side of death and allow others to see through the windows to heaven also.
- When we put our comfort over our relationship with God, we substitute our love for God with need. This affection is fragile and dependent on how well God meets our need. Just as myself, God does not value being needed and longs for being loved. Therefore, He shuns the need by directing us in an indirect path that seems to purposefully deprive us of our needs, even though those needs may be very legitimate. Whe we learn to praise Him for this painful path that He guides us on, with anticipation that it will allow us to truly love Him (honor, respect Him with unwaivering loyalty), then we are free from the stress of a need based relationship (codependency) and experience the joy of true love, not only with Him, but with everyone around us.
- Forgive my grumblings, Lord, for I know that I am complaining about Your hand in my life when I do.
- I struggle to relate to the relational view of just accepting God's love as I am. It comes across better to women. But, I realize that I cannot take a performance oriented approach either by accepting God's love by how much He works through me. Instead, I accept myself and God's acceptance as God makes me into who I truly am. What I do is just a byproduct of that . Without God, I am a curled up insatiably needy, whimpering mess. But, with God, I am a passionate contronter of the shallow self-centered American culture. I can accept that and therefore I can accept God's acceptance and the acceptance of others without performing.
- I do not need to tie depression to tiredness. It is OK to be tired.
- My problem with the exercise machine has taught me how quickly the brain is wired and how hard it is to unwire it. Help me, Lord to learn how to unwire.
- Oh Lord, some would say that I think too much. That I take life and myself too seriously. Help me that I not be too serious, just more intense.
- When 'bad' things happen at a time when we seemingly don't deserve it, we are blndsided, but not God. He has already prepared to use the hardship for our benefit or to rescue us from it. All is part of His plan. No stress.
- I struggle to find the answer. It may be good that I can't find it because I would use it to find meaning to my life by trying to get everyone to conform to it. Perhaps this is another reason I am alone. p.58 Elijah Task
- Repentance and prayer go together because until we see our sin, we have nothing to praise God about.
- It helps me to not be bitter at others if I understand the issue that causes their sin. Sometimes God just chooses to help me to understand mine.
- One obvious sign that we are running away from God's will is that it makes us mean. We get angry with God's people.
- There is a big difference in running away and moving on. Running away is usually just a geographical thing.
- A little adrenaline in life is good. But, there is more ways to get it than just physical (i.e. skydiving). Even better, and just as dangerous, is emotional and , better yet, spiritual.
- Here is another pattern. When we fear something (not trust God) such as rejection, poverty, etc., we open the door to the Devil to give us a reaction to that situation which we hope will cause us to avoid it but, in reality perpetuates it. Once that pattern is set up, we will, on our own, without any more help, self destruct as we do more of the harmful reaction the larger the fearful situation grows totally ovlivious that we are fueling the flames while we grow bitter blaming others. So, when we see a pattern of destruction in our lives, look inward not toward others.
- I am a P.I.(parental inversion) person (see chap.17 Transformation) in that I have had to take on the role of spiritual guide for myself and my siblings because our parents were not mature enough to be of any help. Help me, Lord, not to be resentful of my parents for this hard road and toward my siblings for their neediness. Help me to be able to help lovingly and not judgementally with a superior pius attitude. Help me to see it and stop it. Help me not to try to take on all the responsiblility of restoring the family individuals.
- Oh Lord, help me to be that 'lilly of the valley' to bloom in the dust and rocks. To stand out amongst so many that do not have time to be compassionate because they are too busy trying to survive. Yor water (Spirit) can turn me from a thorn bush into an inspirational bouqet.
- 'What if's' are the devil's playground.
- Everyone runs away from life in a personal way. My method is to want to run into the arms of a compassionate wife. Lord, help me to see what, specifically, about this insecure life I am running from and how to not bury my talent. What are my buried talents.
- God did not design His people to worship comfort. 'Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.' II Corinthians 3:17 We bury our talent and we lose it. The Lord brought the plagues to get Israel to let go as much as Pharoah. Our naton drifts to socialism as we turn from God. 'Perfect love casts out fear.' We find God's rest in accepting His leadership into adventure. That is what the yoke is about. Freedom is in the yoke, never to look back. Faith and love give us courage to follow God into the adventure. The adventure, by definition, takes us through our own personal fears. Struggling for relief takes us into the opposite direction. It blinds us from seeing His vision for us. I feel more safe holding God's hand as He leads me through the 'valley of the shadow of death' than being by myself in 'green pastures' because 'without a vision, the people perish'. The Lord promised to show me the major veins of the devil's deceptions so that He could give me songs about them and that my life could mock them. All other deceptions are personalized versions of these. This is one of the major veins - fear of risk.
- Tooting in a pancho is a bad idea.
- One aspect of my identity is that I do not put on aires. With a strong identity, there is no need to.
- How confrontation is taken is also up to the perspective of the person being confronted. Do they have self identity? The same words can be taken by those outside the light emotionally as critical while those inside the light can see them as encouraging.
- I cannot have passion without self identity. I cannot have compassion without self identity because my perspective only allows me to see what is wrong rather than what is right which ruins my credibility as a confronter. Compassion requires self identity because it requires self esteem. Those with low self esteem, no identity and no passion cannot help but be critical as the men of (church) as they judged (name).
- As my identity becomes more clearer, my perspective of God becomes clearer.
- When we choose to avoid our issues, we almost certainly are avoiding people also, certainly God. It is a terrible sin to choose the comfort of avoidance of our issues over people and the pain of exposure of our faults when we stand in the light of intimacy. God has to deal with this rejection constantly. What can say love more than to be a fool for love's sake. I would rather be wrong in the intimacy of God's presence and His people than to be seemingly right and sit in the dark alone. Lord, help me to be gracious to people's selfish choices as You have been toward us. I am not a victim. I choose to hurt and to love than to have a hard, safe heart. Maybe this is what is meant to be a fool for Christ's sake. Help me, Lord, to never hang around the fig trees. I want my 'fleshy heart'. Ironically, avoiding our issues exposes us the most to God and those who are in the light. It is little consolation to get reassurance from other fig leaf gatherers when we really want the fellowship of God and those who seek Him.
- In order for God to meet our needs, we sometimes need to let go, even emotionally of what we already have, even if it is just a dream. I find that this can be much harder than switching priorities, it requires getting rid of old mental habits some of which are subconscious. This requires diving intervention which I will ask for daily.
- To grow up in a house that is full of tension and strife even in the womb, it is easy to see how life seems as a threat rather than an adventure. That strife between couples is fearful. That all courage and optimism are wiped out. That peace is the most important thing but the most uncomfortable to be in.
- It is easier to hear God on the main path of His will rather than the rabbit trail because the main trail is less stressful - we know where it is going. But, to be on the main trail, we have to like where it is going.
- Advantages of aloneness - I can go farther, faster physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I can rest when I want and push when I want. I don't have to wear out each point with explanations and examples. God speaks more and clearer in the silence. People are for sharing the highlight moments of enlightenment that I experienced alone and by that dig deeper.
- A 50/50 chance is 50/50. Don't take it personal.
- The way a lizard scurries along the trail to escape the threat of an oncoming hiker, panic causes me to escape along the easiest route which is not escape at all. A little calm thinking would show me to simply step aside into the rough underbrush and let the trial pass.
- In order for my stress level to go down, my faith needs to increase to believe that when I attempt something and it inevitably blows up in my face, that God can fix it or make something else good of it.
- I need to have the faith to believe that I am stronger than the weaknesses that I use to characterize myself.
- The same grief causes different responses, such as the Holocaust. Some have their faith strengthened. Others shake their fist at heaven and rage at God or rage that there is no God. Regardless of which is true, it is still a pathetic gesture. The difference between the faithful and the ragers seems to revolve around humility.
- Help me Lord to pray more from an offensve posture rather than a defensive one.
- 10/21/07 I get the impression that I am being asked by God. I noticed that everyone I know is primarily looking for security. God wants warriors, not wounded birds. It is hard to remember that, in the midst of the storm, we are to look for adventure as God reveals himself. Walk on water. I am alone because I am not the person to provide security. I am a warrior. I attack what God reveals. I feel that God is telling me that He has not revealed Himself to me because I have been looking for Him to provide security. He wants to show Himself in adventure. I am not in the mood for adventure. I am just finishing up the car. I thought I was already walking on water but it must be a surf board. It doesn't seem like a boat. I know that one person has to start it. I accept God's invitation.
- God uses the weaknesses of thers to accomplish His purpose. So there is no need to be bitter at their weaknesses. 'You meant it for my harm, but God meant it for my good.'
- Most of our issues are behind our worst pains. Those events that seem to hurt the most.
- Developing my own identity happens when I embrace my calling to help others. To be Christ-like.
- Depression and sexual promiscuity are two of my generational sins.
- I think God is trying to build my faith and get rid of my negative perceptions of Him. I continually get promises of the future that rival Heaven while the present remains Hell. I realize now that a lot of my present torment is due to my lack of faith. I do not believe that God would do all those good things for me, but my present situation gives me no choice but to hope. Lord, help me to change my perception of You and others.
- The most valuable of the plants are the first to go in destruction and the last to come back because they grow the slowest and they are the most vulnerable. In some cases, they do not come back unless we deliberately place them there. Such is the character of our identity.
- The Bible says that the Lord makes some for honor and some for dishonor. Creatures cannot help it if they are a cuddly rabbit or a snake. They do what they are designed to do and should not be despised or praised for it. Of course, some creatures take more precautions than others. The only thing that counts is that we do according to our identity. There is no peace otherwise. Can you picture a rabbit trying to act aggressive as a snake or a snake trying to find someone to cuddle with?
- Two lies of temptation - 1) Thy grace is not sufficient. 2) A little bit of something else would help a lot where, in reality, a little bit does not help at all, only makes me want more which does not help either. It only tries to isolate me from the grace that I needed to pursue in the first place. Thy grace is the only thing that does satisfy.
- Dynamics is what makes nature so attractive and yet so repulsive. God effortlessly forms a cathedral ceiling of clouds and stars with a lunar chandelier. Then, as if whith no regard to the picture perfect view, God rearranges it all constantly creating other views even more wonderful. Man spends his life savings trying to shelter himself from this dynamics. He has no other choice unless he is willing to submit to it. Dynamics demands attention. Either submit or fight. Passion is in the submitting. Control kills passion. For example, a woman is most beautiful when she is moving. Her attractiveness is in the mystery of her emotions. But men want to control her, to be able to replay a particular scene over and over at our whim. But the moment she becomes controlled and predicable, the passion dies. Peace is in submitting to the dynamics. Where else could it be? I look at the 1/2 million dollar houses and I get depressed. I could only be happy there a week and then I would want something different. It is too static. Man cannot create dynamics. Nature abhors static and so man spends all of his time trying to protect his static creations. Nature knows that it can do better. The best I can hope for, as an architect, is to create a static model that reminds people of the dynamic original. Therefore, the less a building shelters and the more it lets in nature, the more dynamic and alive it becomes because it lets God play the major role in the interior decorating. Help me Lord, in life, to submit to its dynamics. I know that all conflicts can attribute at least a portion of the blame to control rather than submitting.
- Passion needs the vessel of identity to be of any use. My passion is a part of my personality that God formed in me. It would be there even if I did not know God. It would have been twisted to anger and sex instead of Him. As He gives me my true identity in Him, He will be able to intensify that passion safely and to focus it in the bounds of that personality. For many, religion becomes that boundary and focus, but religion kills passion.
- Lord, awaken my spirit and release it to answer the 'Call of the Wild'. I want to practice discernment through tracking and hunting. I want to visualize the spirit world to connect to the past and learn the ways. To see You in a visual teaching manner through nature - a primitive manner. To simplify christianity through nature as I learn to relate to and subdue it.
- We must be willing to lay down our cherished issues before God and put Him first as He directs us as He sees fit with little respect for those issues directing us to unfair situations that we are most ill equipped to deal with. When I hear a christian start to complain about what is fair and about his or her rights, I put up my guard, for they are the most dangerous at that point.
- Lord, please purge my heart of the hate, anger, and resentment so that I can finally have righteousness, peace and joy.
- There is a part of me that wants to take my place, courageously, as the defender of the weak, as the questioner of socially damaging practices, as the one to shine light on those blinded by the devil. I know now that it is my call, regardless of how repulsive it is by seeing my Dad do it with the wrong attitude. I want to do it with compassion for both sides. There is also a part of me that just wants to be held and nurtured. To fill the gap that was left from my childhood. Neither side can fully function without the other. Both sides fuel the other.
- Passion requires courage.
- This is all I really asked for from Dad, to be able to let my identity express itself. True love would say that whatever tea cups fall off the shelves as a result of me fully expressing myself were not important anyway. I wanted Him to rejoice in my identity, not to be threatened by it. But this would require Him to be confident in His own identity. If he were, he could rejoice to see some of his identity in mine. He spent my whole childhood trying to kill my identity rather than develop it.
- My identity is of my spirit no my flesh. It is the permanent part of me. My flesh tries to corrupt my identity. My identity is in Christ. The more I seek Christ, the more I resemble Him and therefore myself, my identity.
- My identity is a rustic sensitivity, a manly, intense passion, a courage to live outside the culture, a devious sense of humour, a ruthless honesty, intensly romantic, compassionate, a strong hatred for passivity, a low priority for comfort, creative, physically aggressive.
- I know that without God I am like a puppet with the strings cut. However, God has given me a gift beyond all other gifts, the gift of identity. Without this gift, I would have no basis for accepting love and no perspective to give love. God empowers my identity but it is unique. This uniqueness gives me the worthiness to accept and offer love. It is eternal. When God uses me, I am like a puppet in that all moves are directed by Him, but He uses the identity He created. Therefore, the work is not void of me, but rather is part of me, my identity. My identity is not something I earn or work to develop, it is a gift. I can either use it for God's glory, or distort it in self gratification.
- The path that I am taking and the path that (name) must take: Bitterness tires the soul. Eventually it can no longer hide the more core feelings of loneliness and dispair. These feelings, being more real, draw me almost to the point of obsession because I feel more alive - kind of how I felt with bitterness, but more intense and real so that it is not addictive in that it takes more and more bitterness to get the same effect. The hopelessness of the loneliness eventually leads to the only possible cure -Jesus. I eventually begin to value Him as a true comforter. After awhile, He becomes more as my craving for His comfort grows into a craving for Him alone. He becomes more important than the pain. My heart begins to open up as my focus is no longer on me and my pain and I find that I am super-sensitive to similar pain in others. As my heart continues to open up, I still hurt - even more, but I am 'surprised by joy'. Romans 5:3,4
- Matthew 6:15 says that if we don't forgive others, God won't forgive us. This is not a threat but a principle. When we harbour bitterness against others, we are blinding ourselves to our part of the blame in the situation. We are also blinding ourselves to God's view of the situation both directly from Him and from others. Therefore, we can't confess what we aren't even willing to see so God cannot forgive us.
- Psalms 46:10 'Be still and know that I am God.' still - to cause to fall, let go
- When I am honest, I must admit that what I want most is validation. This is a large part of why I chose this path rather than the easy one the Lord offered me. The other path would be too much like being royalty in England. Lots of attention and deserving none of it. I have never been validated. I can't even validate myself. Life seems to do the opposite. What better validation than to do wonderous things for God? What if God just wants to give me love? No miracles. Is this what I turned down back in the apartment? Is the lack of validation what is causing me so much grief. What I really need is unconditional love - to be able to accept unconditional love. I don't even know what it looks like. I can turn anything into validation. I can't even accept unconditional love from (name). Worse yet, I can't give it. Can I love (name2) without paising her for something, like her grades? Without a change of perspective, a right brain would do me no good. It would all go to my head. God cannot work through me if I accept it as validation. That is not humility, brokeness. Show me, Lord, what true love is and guide me so that I don't have to suffer alot of pain to understand it.
- You have offered me complete contentment through a wife perfectly suited to me but I have accepted the original path that You have laid out for me with (name) because fulfillment for me requires a purpose in You. I am keeping Your requirements and honouring Your requests by not pushing physical boundaries with (name). I have followed the path, by Your strength and grace, laid out in II Peter 1:5-7 - faith, goodness, knowledge, self control, perseverence... I have been toughing it out at perserverence for awhile but have not progressed to godliness which would then lead to kindness and love. Godliness (reverence, respect), I must admit, is missing. Our relationship is not personal. Help me.
- Trials cause me to habitually sink into depression. But depression is self centered. when I am self-centered, I am not safe to share with. This causes more trials and loneliness. So the problem is cyclical. The answer, of course, is to give rather than receive. this makes me safer so people are free to share with me and I get my needs met. Another paradox.
- Stress happens when I am more concerned with the goal or outcome than in living in the moment.
- Help me Lord to find other outlets of connecting, with (name) and others, besides sex with (name) so that it can be healthy.
- Word from God through (name) summarized - Don't analyze or medicate pain so much but allow myself to grieve so as not to hinder the process.
- Demonic depression keeps me from hearing the Spirit because it focuses on relief (escape) instead of joy.
- My espectation is to find relief. My hope is to find joy. Help me, Lord, to focus on my hope. Expectation only leads to frustration and bitterness because there is no relief apart from joy. Expectation also tempts me to pull away from God to find a shortcut (apple) or to make demands.
- Help me not to rush trying to find relief. 'Be still and know'. The Lord is waving with both hands on the side of the road, but I am racing by in my anger. Lost and desparately looking for relief.
- Lord, help me to be able to embrace the pain of the emptiness with the hope that I will see Your face in it.
- Once again, I have forgotten. This pain, this unbearable unfulfillment is the space that God has asked for. Forgive me Lord for despising it. Nothing but You deserves to be in that space.
- Help me Lord to not lose motivation to have You change me after the problems in my life are solved to the point that the pain is no longer unbearable.
- Lord, help me to see how bad I am so I can see how good You are. The pattern I see with everyone is the unconscious resistance to allow You to deal with our familiar spirits.
- My temper comes from my depression, which comes from not bing able to walk in the Spirit as God made me, because my voltage is too high, because I have a temper. Help me Lord to submit to Your process.
- This painful waiting period is teaching me a few things:
1. My emptiness is caused by my God-made need of needing God rather than my man-made need of needing human affection. This is important so that I can enjoy God's gift (name) in meeting my man-made need without it getting to needy by trying to use it to meet my God-made need. Having those two needs clearly separated in my mind is very important to me.
2. I am not capable of meeting my God-made need. When God does begin to shower me with His Spirit, I will not be able to take credit for it. He has already assured me, through (name), that I am not doing anythng wrong. My desire or self-view of holiness can be attributed to the grace to come.
- I am obsessed with control, the root of my stress. I need control of time, plans, and order (location of things). This is incompatible with submission to God. I resent authority because it always messes with my control. I resent demands put on me. God is not dad. If I have everything in control, I don't need authority meddling. Nothing is ever in control So I stress.
- Some part of me felt that the reason that God was going to give me such clear discernment is because I desired it more than others. But during the lonely eight years, He came to me in 5 ways (emotional, enlightenment through books, through people, directly, or situationally). The pain was more important to me so I rejected all 5 because none of them met the need. Now that He as offered a solution to that need through (name), I am ready for the discernment. I am not worthy of the gift of discernment or of (name). I will need to accept both with that always in mind in order for either gift to accomplish all it was intended. Desiring either gift is not going to bring them any faster or more intense. It is all God. I can't earn them. There are plenty of people that desire these gifts more than me that will never receive them simply because God wills.
- When I give in to pity for unmet needs, I cannot play the role of husband properly. I need to be strength for the more emotional gender. The thing that women want most in a man is security. Strength does not mean cruel, insensitive, boring or passionless. Strength is dependable trust in God.
- A large source of my stress is the need to accomplish something for the day to have any worth. When circumstances prevent me from accomplishing something, I get depressed. Life is too hard to go through without purpose. Life has no meaning of it's own. The more negative I see life, the more painful it is to go through and so the more accomplishment is necessary to balance it. Oh Lord, free me from my negative perspective.
- There are countless reasons for painful situations which seem to never end, but one possibility can never be dismissed - for His glory. As with Job, our steadfastness to God and His commands, even when they do not make sense and are costly, mock the devil and his demons and proves the power of love.
- I pray and complain but the Lord will not come into my life so that I can have balance. He let me know that He does not like pushing His way in but wants me (and (name)) to provide a space. As with the children of Israel who dug the ditches that God filled full with water, He will fill as much space as we provide, in His time. The children of Israel had to go to bed tired and thirsty with empty ditches. It seems to be the last thing to want to do is dig in the dessert sun when we are thirsty. It seems to be the last thing to do to sit in silence and face our need when we are hurting. Lord, I once again offer the pain of my unmet needs to You as an offering.
- Submission to God's commands builds faith because when I transgress, I doubt myself when the path takes an unexpected turn. My faith fails when I doubt my ability to see God's guidance, not doubting God. Being 'founded on the solid Rock' , means commitment to God. When I am sure that I am following God, nothing can shake me.
- All 'issues' are incompatible with a submissive attitude toward God.
- Romans 8:33 'We are more than conquerers through Him.' Sin can cause me to forget that and feel defeated. My conquering status is not based on how 'good' I am. I am never good. That status is based on my submission to Him 'Man looks on the outward appearance but God looks on the heart.' 'Faith is the victory.'
- Help me Lord to not just wait for the 'big calling' and ignore the little day-to-day callings and call that devotion. I know that, just as You prepared David for Goliath, we must submit to the daily requests to be prepared for Your purpose in us. True love is answering the daily small calls.
- It seems as though I handle big problems, such as (name) testing positive to (disease), much better that I handle small things, such as losing my wallet, keys or credit card. (name) says that adults that were abused as children rely heavily on routine. Lord, I offer up my dependence on routine. Help me to adjust. I do not want to be enslaved to routine, always worried it will go wrong, even when it is going right. I know that even with a solid routine, there is no security and peace. You are that alone. After losing my credit card at Food City, I have not felt like getting close to (name). This has to mean that I don't want to get close to You or anyone else. I don't want that. I also notice that my sense of order keeps me from forgiving. When (name) gets upset with me, I want to avoid her for a long time because she is a threat to my order. I suspect that my dependence on order will isolate me from meeting new people. My need for order causes me to put logistics over people. I wanted to work on the house rather than console (name) for testing positive.
- Oct 1 - The Utmost for His Highest - Help me Lord not to look at every experience as 'What can this teach me?' but rather realize that it is to make me - to change my character.
- The Lord showed me that I spend most of my time with Him analyzing myself. This psyco-analysis is only good up to the point of seeing the problem and confessing it. To go much further is to take control - my fight or flight approach to everything. Working on getting the relationship under control is a wrong perspective. Righteousness, peace, and joy cannot happen under such a legalistic approach. My desire is to relax with (name) without boundaries. would'nt it be neat to do this with God? Only then can the Spirit be free to share. The focus should not be on the relatonship (me) but on God. This is the simplicity that You have been talking about.
- Lord, help me to see that life is in the journey and not the destination. That Your purpose is how I deal with life now, not so much in what You are changing me to be.
- Help me Lord to rest n You, as You have said, so that I can find peace in transition which is ongoing. Help me to trust You more fully.
- Lord, I have been suffering with the awarensess of my lack of awakening. It has dimmed my interest in all other things in life, even of (name), which scares me. I have prayed that You would fix my lack of awakeness and perhaps, in time, You will to some degree. But, for now, I recognize that perhaps that intense longing is not for fixing but for worshipping with. It is my offering for it is not of me but a gift from You.
- I have been worrying alot lately about my disconnectedness. I realized that it is posssible that I have not become more disconnected but that I have become more aware of my disconnectedness.
- Lord, I want to know You without barriers just as I want to know (name) without barriers. Please take down the barriers. Show me what I need to see if I am being a barrier.
- It is difficult for me to be comfortable with a lower adrenaline level. I catch myself fantacizing about stressful situations, such as danger to my family. It seems that adrenaline was my defense from sinking into the abyss of depression.
- God showed me through (name) today that a big roadblock to developing my right brain and thus my identity is my continuously high state of anxiety. Help me Lord to be mindful of You and 'be anxious for nothing' Philippians 4 and bring all my negative, stressful thoughts 'into captivity to the obedience of Christ' II Corinthians 10:5
- Help me Lord to not shut down and miss Your gifts in things that heppen just because they are not my kind of things.
- Help us not to try to figure it out but embrace the mystery.
- In our weakness (brokeness) we are made strong (passionate). The passion only leads us to see ourselves more clearly as we see God more clearly which leads to more brokeness, and so the cycle continues. Lord, help us to encourage this process as we share our passions and our brokeness.
- The purpose of coming to God is not to meet a need but to create a need, a longing for God that cannot fully be met on this side of eternity. That's what brokeness is about.
- John 17:21,22,26 Our unity will help the world to believe. That unity comes from the glory bestowed on us so that God's love may be in us. Glory?
- Help me Lord to reflect Your sweet attitude to others in the midst of adversity so that 'Jesus may be manifested in our body'. II Corinthians 4:10
- God has promised me, through (name) and others, to use me in a big way.'Experiencing God' says that there is sometimes a delay in getting that assignment as God develops my character. Help me Lord to wait patiently in Your intimacy as You develop my character. To stress only delays the process. Help me Lord to have the faith necessary to not stress and the strength not to act out in anger. Help me to remember that this process is not just for me but for all those God plans to help through me.
- When I saw Dad go through a mid-life crisis, what I saw was a man without a purpose. That is what scared me.
- Lord, help me to defeat stress. Guide me to understand why I do it and how to escape situations that trap me. Thank You for showing me that stress is blocking me from being able to discern. Help me to see what the clothes change has to do with it.
- Forgive me Lord for obsessing about the future. It shows a lack of faith in You. Instead, I should look at life as a series of spontaneous adventures. Help me to just focus on You.
- Zachariah 12:10 Because of her hard heart, Israel will have to wait till the last moment of this age to receive the promise of receiving the 'Spirit of grace and supplication'. But I claim that promise now for myself and the group so that we could pray with humility and tears.
- Lord, I offer You (name) just as Abraham offered Isaac. I can't save her from destruction but You can.
- Help me Lord not to get frustrated as You change me as You have promised. I am so eager for the change but it doesn't seem to be happening. Help me to remember that my part is more about submitting to Your will than in 'getting it right'.
- (name) is in a severe depression, so is (name). (name) is sliding down to disaster. I am fighting the guitar and it is winning. (name)'s kids are completely resisting Your hand in the changes brought on by this marriage. The divorce is back to square one. Yet 9name) and I are rejoicing because You have shown us the chariots of fire on the hillsides. Praise You. Thank You for showing us where this is heading.
- I realize even more the importance of humility. I see in others as well as myself that pain without humility only leads to bitterness. This not only blocks me from accepting God's loving guidance, but opens up the opportunity for the devil to use me for his purpose. Pain is not the only method God uses to bring about humility. Grace is very effective since it is undeserved. I have realized that I have put the human aspect of priorities on God. As humans, we have priorities because we are limited in what we can do and what we can give attention to. With God, all things are top priority. I told God, just in passing, that it would be nice if someone made a square cast iron skillet to cook my sausage links in. You can't get more trivial than that. God put it on (name)'s heart to get one from a thrift store. God impresses (name) to buy a certain dress that sends me into orbit. These things cause me to have to re-evaluate my perception of God's love. He may ask hard things of us but He feels every detail of our pain. And yes, He cares. Only in humility can I see and accept these loving gestures in the midst of trial. And only in humility can I celebrate God in the midst of pain. No demands. Just gratitude. There is no place for pride in the presence of unconditional love.
- When I get into a difficult situation, I have a tendency to knuckle known and fight or endure. This blinds me from seeing the lamb in the bush. It causes me to have a harsh view of You. I'm obsessed with weathering the storm rather than walking on the water. I'm doing it again by tormenting myself with my impatience toward the wedding date. My life is so much better but I focus on what I cannot have yet. This always turns my situation into an idol. Help me focus on You, Lord. Perhaps this is the thing that I need to learn that I already know. Help me to see Your escape. Not necessarily from the circumstances. The joy that is overwhelming even to martyrs. Instead of mourning at the gate, You have given me the chance to dance in the stall with my perfect soul mate until the date when we can run the field. Help me, Lord, to learn to dance. I know You love me in my head, but my bitter heart refuses to accept it. That's why it is a 'rebellious heart'. I refuse to follow You into joy. 'Do you want to get well?' John 5:6 Help me not to sit by the pool and endure my plight. To limit You to a comfortor instead of a healer. You may not fix the situation but You will fix my heart which is my true source of pain. Forgive me for looking to circumstances to fix my heart rather than to You. This limits Your ability to bless me. Help me to accept Your gifts casually and gratefully and not cling to them in needy dependance. Help me, Lord, to love You deeper as You change my perspective of You and life. Help me to outgrow my bassonet of grief.
- Help me Lord to break the habit of depressionand bitterness. I want to be healed.
- When I fall into the old thinking of conditonal relationship with God, I set myself up for bitterness. That's why You sent me through the last changes to free me. When I start thinking standards, I first start beating up on myself for the reason things aren't happening the way I think they should in the time that I think they should. After I tire of this, I turn on God for expecting too much from me. 'Be still and know that I am God.' 'Wait on the Lord and He will renew your strength.'
- (name) had a word for me this evening. He said that there were changes going to happen to me in ways that I had not thought of. He said that I had had a rebellious heart but that was over. It was reassuring to me to know that I did not need to struggle to see the change. It would happen on time. Also, I was not doing anything wrong by not seeing it yet. I was not holding it up. when I asked God what the rebellious heart was about, He said bitterness. Lord, help me to not try to force Your will so that I don't get bitter. Just submit to it. He said that the change would be to something I already know but yet I don't know.
- When You said 'Peace, be still' I know that You were talking to us as well as the storm. It had to be really bad for the little boats around them. I relate. I follow You and trouble happens. I can't even see You. Lord, help me not to be shocked when You fix the big storm with ease. Help me to find peace in the storm.
- I see now that I am entering another 'dark night of the soul'. That is why You seem so distant. Help me to stay focused on You and not be tempted to stray out of it. I welcome the darkness, however painful, because I know that when I get to the light, I will see You more clearly. I pray that the change will allow me to love You more completely.
- Oh Lord, how do I embrace silence? How do I fellowship with silence? How do I focus on silence and darkness?
- It appears that You require that I change before You will change my circumstances. Perhaps this change is humility more than right brain thinking. All Your paths have been hard and slow. (name) has not seen this side of You. Everything was accomplished by will power and perserverance that You granted rather than by talent. Most efforts failed even then. You have made a vessel with no attractive features. No intellect, no talent, no looks. I am not groveling in hopes of impressing You to move in me. I am simply acknowlidging the truth. It is a walk of faith to approach (name) each time. My job reminds me of my limitations each day. I ask for You to show me what I am doing to slow things down and You point to pride. It must be a problem that I could struggle with it with my history. Forgive me. Life is teaching me how helpless I am. If you finally use me, it will be as I am. As You have shown me so thoroughly, there is no stairway to heaven. No degrees of spirituality. Only degrees of love and that comes from You. As we are humbled enough to accept it unconditionally. I have nothing in myself to grab onto for security. The world offers less. Even with the mind-boggling love of the perfect wife, I continue to freefall. If I drown, I will do so without one paddle. I look to You, only. No demands.
- I feel so lost. You feel so far away. My life looks more like a series of rabbit trails than a purpose driven life. I know (I hope) that there is some pattern yet to be revealed. I feel so lost at my job. It couldn't be much more opposed to my character. It is reaching a breaking point. I can't focus on anything. I can't make clear sentences since I forget common phrases and names. The pain is at least teaching me to separate a little from a marriage relationship. Before (name), it was difficult for me to see how I could not be happy with the perfect wife. I knew it was possible because I knew how important purpose was to me. Now, I can experience it and the difference is very clear. Lord help me. My faith is weak because I feel abandoned by the housing and Spanish situations. I love to trust You not to let me get lost. Following You is what got me here. Help, don't let me drown. It seems that my eyes are on You but I am still sinking. I don't even know what spriritual means anymore. It may not even be real.
- Thank You Lord for reminding me that Your intent is to change me first, then my circumstances. It would not make sense to change the circumstances first. They would not suite me.
- Matthew 8:13; Luke 7:10 'Because you have believed, your request is granted.'
- Guide me Lord, to not approach this change of seeing You and myself differently as an adult (so seriously) but as a child (humbly, childishly). Forgive me for my arrogance of trying to take on as my responsibility to sort through the change but rather to just be willing and open to be changed and enjoy doing it. Thank You.
- Help me Lord to not be distracted by the symptoms and not look into my soul with Your divine light to the real problem. 'Search my soul, Lord and find every evil way.' Guide me with Your hand, Lord, to be convicted each time I react as a victim to my consequences.
- As with Simon Peter and the great catch of fish, blessings can be so humbling Luke 5:8-10
- Help me Lord to still my soul in joy as I did in pain so that I can worship You as more than just a Comfortor.
- Help me Lord to rest in You in the middle of stress.
- Help me Lord to worship You from the perspective of blessings instead of from pain. To avoid being distracted by it.
- 'Something bad happens. I hurt. I feel unhappy. I long to feel good. I ask God for help. I am resolved to feel better. I do whatever I can to make at least a few dreams come true. That is the way of the flesh. Something bad happens. I hurt. I feel unhappy. I long to feel good. But I trust God. His pleasure matters more than mine. But His pleasure includes mine. I believe that. So I abandon myself to His pleasure. I live to please Him. I work hard and live responsibly and strive to put balance in my life because that pleases Him. Making Him feel good is a higher priority than making me feel good. And somehow, inevitably, at some point, I discover joy. That is the way of the Spirit.
I shift from walking in the way of the flesh to walking in the way of the Spirit when the pain of life destroys my confidence in my ability to make life work and when it exposes as intolerable, insubordinate arrogance my demand to feel good. That is the experience of brokeness. It is then that the chain falls off my leg and the heavy ball rolls away. It is then that I fly.' Shattered Dreams p153
- The Lord has brought to my attention that I have some trust issues. Go figure. Lord help me to trust You and not put on You the characteristics of my Dad.
- 'True humility doesn't consist of thinkng ill of yourself but of not thinking of yourself much differently from the way you'd be apt to think of anybody else.' July 31 Listening to Your Life
- A common theme as I look at myself objectively is criticalness even though I have no credibility or achievements to base it on.
- There is a critical juncture after trials enter our lives (which is always). We can either turn to God's love (as described on the previous page) and walk on water like Peter or we can sink into self pity. Turning inward leads to despair, self pity, bitterness and ultimately isolation from God and our fellow man. Turning to God provides the protection of the armour of God (Ephesians 6) against all those things so that we can focus on God in the storm and let His love change us to be passionate rather than self-centered, awake to the wonder instead of blind.
- Trials destroy our false images of God. This destroys our addictions with God (He will do this if I do that). This allows us to love Him truly for love's sake and not for manipulative purposes by seeing His love truly (brokeness vs. validation) That love drives out fear as we no longer base our fellowship with God on the hope that good things will happen as a result of it. But love leaves doubt in the absense of a clear image of God. When we confront the doubt with humility, it is filled (but not removed) by faith. Then and only then am I changed as I let go of self-centered efforts of controlling me and controlling God and become other-centered (awake - loving). God's love is not a means-to-an-end. It is everything.
- Why is it that when the Lord shows me my shortcomings, it stirs my passion? That I understand because that is the definition of passion - the pain caused by the difference between what is and the vision God has given me of what could be. But, if I'm not careful, why does that passion turn to condemnation of everyone but me? Lord, help me not to take every inspiration You give me and whoop up on everyone else with it.
- Results of study on 'Hope'. All references to 'hope' seemed to center on the 'blessed hope' of eternal salvation. There were some slightly different variations such as hope for the salvation of those we have witnessed to (I Thessalonians 2:18) and hope in promises (Hebrews 6:12). But a look at the promises (2878-Thompsons chain notes) show that they all involve heaven or encouragement, comfort, strength, and fellowship with God to carry on His work here. The Bible seemed to stress not looking for hope in this life. 'If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable' (I Corinthians 15:19). Love is about giving without hope of receiving (Luke 6:34). If we come to God only to get a blessing, we are no better than Herod who, the night before Jesus' crucifixion, questioned Him at length, hoping to see a miracle. Jesus did not even answer him so Herod mocked Him (Luke 23:8). This sin of thinking of ourselves can harden our heart against the hope and make us bitter against God like the Israelites who refused the promised land because it looked dangerous (Hebrews 3). I have to remember that Jesus came and went without dealing with the Jews problem of oppression by the Romans. He was concerned only with the spiritual realm. Focusing on the hope changes us. It purifies me (I John 3:3). It humbles us as it allows us to wait patiently (Lamentations 3:24-35). In other words, it is part of the breaking process. It comes ultimately from suffering (Romans 5). Suffering -> perseverance -> character -> hope -> joy. Trials give us hope in the eternal by loosening our grip on the present allowing us to be joyful and at peace in the present as we are filled with God's love. Love always hopes (I Corinthians 13:4-8).
- I had just failed and stumbled once again. The usual feelings of shame and anger rose up and I found my usual place of hiding with my fig leaf. Then I realized that my second sin, my lack of faith in God's grace, was worse than the original sin. The anger was directed at me but I felt it bleed over toward God. Why? It was Satan who had kicked me in the teeth and caused me to stumble. So I began singing the church chorus "All the children singing, 'Allelujah, Glory, Glory, He reigns, He reigns." All of a sudden I felt victorious again. Oh Lord, help me to remember to run to You and not hide. Even in the midst of my failure, I have this sweet moment with You. 'Where sin abounded, grace did much more abound.'
- In the quiet, empty, lonely space of my apartment, I have a good opportunity to learn about God's love. Nothing but reality survives in this laboratory. But, of course, the real test of what I have become acquanted with is in the world, in everyday life.
- Lord, help me in hard times (it's all hard) not to lose hope (faith - substance of things hoped for) which causes me to turn from You lookng for an easier way. Jeremiah 2:25; 18:12 Instead, help it to build character and hope. Romans 5:3 Most of all, help me to hope for the things that You have in store for me instead of hoping for a way out. Without hope (vbision) I perish. I assume this alligning of wills is what You mean by character. When our hope's (will's) are not alligned, my hope dies. I can only hope that by submitting to your tough path that I will fulfill Your purpose.
- Oh Lord, You show me from time to time, as I can bear it, insights into my shortcomings and I grab hold of them in desparation and hysteria and gratefulness. How odd. But somehow, each insight is like a breath of freedom. The more I can see of my lacking, the more I can see of Your abundance. Thank You.
- Anger is a comfortable feeling. It justifies self-centeredness. We lick our wounds while we demonize our enemy and, in the process, deify ourselves. It is addictive and I see many lives on the course of self-destruction that coddle it. It can also be contagious. It stamps out all love that is anywhere nearby. Help me Lord not to be sucked into it's grasp. To relax my heart so I can see the love. As brokeness has no room for validation, it has no room for vindication.
- Broken people do not need validation. The Bible says, 'my strength is made perfect in weakness'. II Corinthians 12:9 'For when I am weak, then am I strong.' II Corinthians 12:11 'Not I, but Christ.' Galatians 2:20
- 'The peace that passes all understanding.' I'll say!
- Something keeps telling me that there is a parallel life happening at the same time and in the same place as this lonely miserable life. Oh, Lord, open the eyes of my heart to see it.
- Worship and gratitude are not the same thing. Either can exist without the other.
- Help me Lord that the pain does not blind me from the wonder. Remind me to lift my head to not miss the miracles You have to show me.
- Horses run when nothing is chasing them. Eagles fly up high even though their bellies are already full. Mountain goats climb up to the remotest ledge even though there is no grass there to eat. Why not man celebrate his strength in whatever form God has gifted him. 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'
- We stand by putting on the armour 'of God'. Ephesians 6 - truth, righteousness, peace, faith and salvation. None of these are from me. It also says to use these by using God's Word and lot's of prayer, not just for me but for everyone else also. Sometimes standing is all I can do. Ephesians 6:13
- I have a tendency to glorify my depression and loneliness as signs of being sanctified by God but there are signs of the sin in my life.
- Suffering alone only generates despair. God's love is required for it to turn to passion. Then it can lead to perserverance, character, hope. Romans 5:3-5.
- If we judge ourselves (claim our identity) by what we do, we will not be able to be awake to other's needs because we will be too busy trying to prove ourselves.
- The 'Dark Night of the Soul' frees us from attachments (addictions as well as false images of God) to a freedom to love God, ourselves and others, to an understanding of one's self and our true identity in God. It is done in a unique way for each person.
- Once again, something I hold onto for reference has broken. I sometimes judge my spiritual walk or a particular insight on the profound emotional experience(s) that accompany it. However, I saw a dark complected woman in a midieval outfit and I was moved to tears. The feeling was indistinquishable from a feeling that had, before that time, been reserved for spiritual experiences. I must rely on love. This experience was not about love. I didn't even know her. It frightens me that I can have such intense feelings for raw desire only. How could I ever recognize true love? How can I recognize truth? I trust You God. I know I cannot trust my intellect. Now I know I cannot trust my emotions.
- I am beginning to see that life is not about what happens but about my perception of what happens.
- When I focus on the pain, I focus on myself and then on my attachments and forget that the pain is my longing for God's love.
- Lord, help me to be awake and relaxed together. Awake does not have to mean tense and relaxed does not have to mean asleep.
- The story of David and Bathseba is a story of a man who was wakened.
- Oh Lord, as it seems that You have requested, I will make my heart prayer (daily repetition prayer) 'Be still and know that I am God'. I know that many mistakes and confusons will be solved if I can live this prayer.
- I enjoy my daughter, but now she is a thousand miles away. I enjoy my brother but he is two thousand miles away. I enjoy male fellowship but can find no one like me and my church does not hardly recognize me. I like teaching Sunday School classes but my church has no adult classes to teach and I can no longer relate to the kids. I want to build houses but I build missiles. I want a house with a buggy car but I live in an apartment where the car would be stolen. I would like a wife but cannot even have a girlfriend. I like movies, but I read books instead to avoid sexual images. I like tennis but settle for hiking. I like weight lifting but have to settle for light weight rehab. I like vacationing in the wilderness but have no friends or family to do it with. It is as if God has systematically taken every enjoyable thing out of my life and replaced it with exercise and studying spanish. Maybe God is consecrating me for something better. Maybe I would forget Him if I had any of these things. Oh Lord, I pray that all this would be worth it at least in your eyes. You promised, 'He who loses his life for my sake will gain it'.
- Why is it that with all the wonderful things You do for me and with me (intense moments, enlightenments, blessings) I still hurt? You do not fit into the hole caused by my pain. You are too big.
- 'And so Jesus also suffered outside the entry gate to make the people holy throgh His own blood. Let us, then, go to Him outside the camp,bearing the disgrace He bore. For here we do not have an enduring city, but we are lookng for the city that is to come.' Hebrews 13:12,13 The first part of the chapter warns against secual immorality, love of money, and religion. Help me Lord to be content outside the camp.
- Help me Lord, once again, to remember that lfe is not a puzzle to be solved or a problem to be fixed. Help me instead to work with the materials You have given me, even the pain, to form a work of heart to allow people to see You in a unique way.
- Help me Lord not to fret over the 'good' and 'bad' things that heppen knowing that 'all things work together for the good' and 'to be content whatever the circumstances'. You use all of it to do Your will.
- 'A child wants to know what she can get away with; an adult understands that boundaries exist for his own good; a parent voluntarily sacrifices her freedom for the sake of others.' p.237 Reaching for the Invisible God
- Help me Lord to look at life in only 24 hours at a time as an opportunity to please You and change as a result. I get discouraged and depressed when I look too far into the unknown future. 'Seize the day.' Forget about the big picture and trust You. Life is not about opportunities and circumstances, but attitude.
- We need to come to God with a childlike faith rather than a childish faith so we can mature instead of being stifled. The difference is 'unrealistic expectations versus open-minded faith, leagalism versus grace, unhealthy dependance versus childlike trust'. p.220 Reaching for the Invisible God
- Regret is in the past and anxiety is in the future. Joy is only in the present. Philippians 14:4-9 We can keep a clear perspective by remembering (bringing all back together to see it's true meaning and purpose). Psalms 8 We need to be joy events. The world is hungry for joy. Dave Fleming
- Psalms 131 Lord, help me to grow past the infant stage of crying for You to supply all my needs but rather to desire You Yourself, shifting my 'center of gravity' from me to You.
- 'My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You.' p.195 Reaching for the Invisible God Thomas Merton
- 'Francis de Sales wrote, 'Now the greater our knowledge of our own misery, the more profound will be our confidence in the goodness and mercy of God, for mercy and misery are so closely connected that the one cannot be exercised without the other.' de Salas decried those who stumbled and then wallowed in their wretchedness: 'How miserable I am! I am fit for nothing!' True followers of God quietly humble themselves and rise again courageously.' p.194 Reaching for the Invisible God
- One attractiveness to having a wife is that the moments I picture us together I am fully present. Can I be fully present by myself? Can I be fully present with other people? Depression fights attentiveness.
- 'Attention cultivates sensitivity to what is and what could be.' Dave Fleming Keep awake to the possiblilities of the Spirit to me and through me.
- 'What I place my attention on determines what I will become.' Dave Fleming If I only notice negative things, it will feed my depression.
- It is not necessarily my experiences with God that changes me, but my relentless pursuit through darkness and trials and temptations.
- When You feel absent, the whole world feels absent. When You are present, everything is OK.
- '...it is the risking, not the trusting, that we most fully live our consecration.'p115 The Awakened Heart.
- Help me Lord to go through life awake, with my heart awake and not on autopilot like a robot.
- Without Your grace, I will sink into the bottomless pit of despair.
The most repeated command in the Bible is 'fear not' listed 365 times. We do this by love - 'perfect love drives out fear'. And 'We love because He first loved us'. Trials destroy our false images of God. This destroys our addictions with God (no longer hope in good things happening) so that we can love Him truly (for love's sake and not for manipulative purposes - brokeness) by seeing His love. Summary: Love drives out fear but leaves doubt (left in the absence of clear images of God). When we confront the doubt with humility, it is filled by faith. Then and only then can I be changed as I let go and become other centered.
- Faith is a daily gift from God, not a learned skill.
- We seek spiritual strength because of trials yet trials are God's way of providing spiritual strength.
- Oh Lord, help me to leave my spiritual growth in Your hands to go in the direction and speed that You choose as I pray, meditate and act as You direct.
- Oh Lord, help me to allow You to define who I am and let go of the more concrete images I have made of myself and therefore, of You.
- 'The opposite of faith is not doubt, but fear.' p46 Reaching for the Invisible God.
- Doubt creates space that faith can one day fill if we handle it with humility.
- 'Those who honestly confront their doubts often find themselves growing into a faith that transends the doubts.' p42 Reaching for the Invisible God
- 'Doubt always coexists with faith, for in the presence of certainty, who would need faith at all?' Reaching for the Invisible God
- 'Faith appears where least expected and falters where it should be thriving.' p39 Reaching for the Invisible God
- Concepts create idols, only wonder grasps anything.' Gregory of Nyssa
- My pain is my offering to You. Use it as You see fit.
- Faith builds a bridge between human will and divine grace so that they are no longer opposed. We want what God wants when we trust in Him.
- Real faith can never rest in comfort. If it does, it is no faith at all or it is an attachment which is superstition such as to a ritual. Once we are attached, faith becomes self-serving and we will defend it, convert others or even silence others. This is what happened to Jesus.
- I realize now that God was 'un-habituating' me during those 2 1/2 weeks of silence. Our mind adapts to anythng constant so that we no longer notice it. What could be more constant than God's love expressed in the presence of the Holy Spirit in us? Business and stress further aggrevates the problem.
- Hosea 2:16 ''In that day', declares the Lord, 'you will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call me 'my master'.'
- Trials allow grace to shine.
- I am slow to see it, but Your guidance appears to be less a series of intellectual markers down a narrow path than a revelation of freedom and passion. Instead of plodding along a long dusty path in the dessert, I realize that I have always been n the middle of the promised land. It is a matter of perspective. But it will always be stormy. The promsised land is not prosperity, it is love.
- Our temptations, also translated tests or trials, that we create along the path of our lives, is a fingerprint of who we are. In our struggles, our own cross to bear, we discover our passions and our goodness that we could not see in calm sees. These trials are not for God to see if we are good, He already knows it. How can we choose God's freedom of love without the bondage of addictions in our life? In the darkness of trials, we can see God's glory more clearly. 'When I am weak (humble) then am I strong.' Thanks to the trials of temptations. I am able to choose God's love with dignity. Where is love in an easy choice? Where is passion without pain?
- As the Lord clears away the fog of my attachments, I expect to see the trail more clearly. What I see, instead, is my images of God vaporize and an open field of freedom to frolic in. I don't want to frolic, I have been instituionalized by my sins of addiction and I want to be told what to do and when to do it. That is dependence, not intimacy. I can't frolic, my neck is to stiff from tension. 'Come to me as little children.' Could it be that not only do I take myself too seriously, but I take God too seriously also? Is there anything more fearful than play? Oh Lord, will You play with me?
- God has given us the free choice to love Him. But how can that choice have any dignity without other good options? The pain of choosing God over the other options, by faith, is our show of love to God.
- The devil builds chains to bind me, to attach me to different things on this earth, literally in my head. But the material he uses is my doubt that God will not 'withhold any good thing from me'.
- Jeremiah 29:11-13 ''For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.''
- I am addicted to stress, physically and emotionally. Exercise helps, but I can't focus at all, let alone on God. I can focus on a book, but not God. What is focusing on God? God is a very big subject. It is as hard to keep my mind empty as it is my heart. Meditation is critical to my fellowship with God. Lord, help me to 'Be still'. Help me to just remember to relax my shoulders.
- Help me Lord to be able to rest in my needs. Not to fanticize or despair my way out of it.
- In order to get my stress in order, I need to get my addictions in order.
- Lord, help me not to get caught up in the miserable, mundane maintenance of life and forget to notice what is happening to me, because that is where You are.
- It is as if the Lord is trying to teach me to walk (by faith). He comes and suddenly my addictions loose their power and my perspective is crystal clear. Then He let's go and I fall on my face, longing for everything but Him till depression sets in.
- The more addictions that take control of my life, the harder it is to meditate in silence - 'Be still and know that I am God'.
- Part of my addiction is that every time I learn something new, I begin to fanticize about teaching it rather than applying it.
- 'The alternative to disappointment with God seems to be disappointment without God.' p246 Disappointment with God Philip Yancey
- Yancey felt that, according to Jesus, that the end of human history would boil down to one issue: 'When the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?' Luke 18:8
- As C.S. Lewis pointed out, our longings are proof that we were made for another reality. How can a fish long for dry land unless it was meant to one day be there? He has no comprehension that he is wet.
- Oh Lord, a wonderful time it will be when I am as excited about spending a moment with You as I am about studying about You.
- 'Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, but to turn it into glory.' p173 Disappointment with God
- It is so scarry. My life is either a pathetic existence or a show of faith. Both look the same. Only God can see the difference.
- I am having trouble hearing the 'still, small voice'. I am either distracted or dosing. There are too many noises. The noises are due to stress. The stress is due to the struggle to deal with the unmet need of loneliness. How do I relax?
- Lord, I want to occasionally snuggle and rest from the never ceasing onslought of the hurried, cold mundaness of life.
- Forgive me Lord for always looking at our relationship from my point of view and not Yours. Perhaps, this is why You have allowed me to be in relationships all my life with people who did that to me.
- Lord, help me to have the faith to be content with the longings that You have given me and not to resort to control or sink in despair. Help me to not focus on my needs but on You and Your rest. Lord, help me to worship and grieve and see the the beauty You provide. Help me to just take joy as it comes. Help me to let go.
- Help me Lord to hear the meadowlark's song in the midst of the storm. To look forward to summer and not sink into the cold of winter. Help me to be ever vigilent and mindfull of my heart.
- The devil tells me, 'Who cares about God when you hurt this bad'. He gets me to take my eyes off God and onto the storm which leads to despair, depression and more loneliness.
- Hosea 2:6-7,14,16 The Lord says He will block my path with thornbushes so I can't chose false lovers but instead go back to Him so that He will no longer be master but husband. Forgive me Lord for looking over the fence of thorns and mourning like a 'she camel' in heat. Jeremiah 2:23,24 NIV