furtherperspectives

1. Brokeness
2. Cycles
3. Owning Our Faults in a Relationship
4. Via Dolorosa
5. Connections and Identity
6. Security blankets
7. The Calling
8. He talks back!

1. Brokeness(The work of Brokeness to find Love)

We all have broken dreams. As a result, 1) we either shut down emotionally, 2) or we make demands (addiction), 3) or we turn to God for help and comfort. He becomes more elusive than when we first met Him. Rather than fixing our hurt 1) we return more determined to meet our needs and dismiss God, 2) or we realize our desires are not all about us and we learn to wait and realize that He is all we want and we sacrifice ourselves while we continue to hurt due to our unmet need. Ths path is unique to each individual. We begin to desire love itself, not just it's results. If we seek God just to find significance and power in touching others (to fiind meaning to our hurt) we will miss the true acts of love in humility and sacrifice. We refuse to cooperate and do not care unless we can see how that situation will get us closer to meeting our need. Our motivation is selfish and selective and we get stuck. To seek God means to participate in whatever life is doing for the sake of experiencing His love. We need to let go of trying to control the situation to get our need met. We submit to His control of the situation. We have no choice. We admit we cannot get our need met using our defence mechanisms. We begin to change. Our hearts open up. Then we are able to have our need met without us destroyng it or it destroying us becuase we are enjoying that need in giving and not just taking.
So, to start this journey, we have to realize that we are our own worst enemy and that what we are doing is pushing us further from our need and it is not the other person's fault. We have no choice but to submit to the divine wisdom of God. Stop trying to change the other person or find the perfect person. We are losing time. We start seeing the people in our life as blessings rather than defective people who need to change to meet our need. We can then help them for their sakes in love rather than in anger for our's. We discover God. We are changed. Our needs are met.

2. Cycles(and how Brokeness leads to Four Stages of Openess)

Everyone has a cycle. The stimulus of this cycle is fear. There is a reaction to that fear. That reaction enhances the original situation that caused the fear whether the situation is real or imagined. This causes a repeat of the reaction and the cycle continues. Each time the cycle repeats, both the fear and the reaction get stronger. This validates the fear and the brain is permanently wired. The cycle is somewhat unique to each person. The only cure for the cycle is love. Not a careless blanket of love, but a very specific application of love. That love needs to be inserted into the cycle between the reaction and the resulting enhancement of the situation. This stops the cycle since the result of the reaction is completely opposite of what is expected since all fears in these cycles is ultimately the fear of not being loved. The wiring is not broken but a new wire is created that contradicts the original wire. The healing love must be applied repeatedly to minimize the cycle. This love can be applied by someone who does not have the same cycle and who's cycle does not reinforce that person's cycle or by a person who's heart is opened up enough not to let their own cycle be triggered by the person's cycle.
In order for a person's heart to open up, they must become aware of their cycle. We become aware of our cycle by first becoming aware of the pain. We then realize that despite our efforts, the pain is not going away but, in fact, is getting worse. We blame those around us, but when we run, the cycle continues with new faces. Our selfish perspective brings us to ourselves. 'I am the man.' This awareneness causes a destruction of independence as we become aware of our need for God and a need for God to move in others to heal our cycle. A need for love.
However, the brokeness is not complete until we look deeper and see the source of our cycle. To look beyond the fear to get a glimpse of our dark heart. Our demands and our list of rights melt away as the fear that fueled the cycle is overshadowed by a bigger fear - what we would be capable of without a constant infusion of love from God through others. Clothe me with Your love Lord before someone sees me without You. That is not the real me, the one that will walk with You in eternity. I cannot exist without Your love.
The next level of openess is to be willing to let God show us our faults through others. If we only allow ourselves to show our faults, we are still in control.
Another level of openess is when we are willing to take our openess about our own faults and share with others in order to help them to open up. This has to be the last step, not the first, because pain makes us real. Taking the 'beam' out of our eye is not 'getting t together'. It just allows us to see - see our pain, see other's pain and see the cycles fueling the pain. See God's love.
Here are the four levels summarized:
1) I am hopelessly messed up and need God's help directly and
1b) through others.
2) The source of my mess is an incurably dark heart. This dark heart continually creates more messes and
3) blinds me from figuring them out or controlling them. I am too messed up to see myself clearly and am willing to be lovingly confronted by others.
4) I am willing to share my situation with others so they can be opened also.
These four levels of openess go from self-centered to other-centered. They are the path of letting go of control and losing hope in finding a role model that is in control of his/her mess. Steps 1-3 (especially 2) must happen thoroughly in order to move to step 4 (need to be broken not polished).Luke 7:36-50 Love is proportional to the amount of forgiveness we accept. The more broken -> the more grateful -> the more open. This is opposed to reform. Self help -> self centered -> no appreciation for love to heal. It is simplistic surrender.

3. Owning Our Faults in a Relationship(Consequences of Not Owning Them)

By not owning up to our faults in a relationship:
1) We don't allow the other person to validate their hurt feelings.
2) We don't get the opportunity to comfort the hurt person by expressing our remorse.
3) We cause division because we disagree that we wronged them.
4) We block any opportunities to heal the damage or to develop any preventative measures.
5) By blocking the opportunity to receive forgiveness, we cause division in ourselves.
We all want conditional love (praise) but we all need unconditional love - 'It's OK, I love you anyway'. It is not the things that we do wrong that hurt a relatonship (we all habitually mess up), it is not not owning up to those wrongs. 'Love covers a multitude of sins.' Love is not earned.

4. Via Dolorosa

God was first to walk the 'Via dolorosa - the way of suffering' as an example to us. This way is first one of humiliation. Christ walked through the streets toward calvary as a sentenced criminal without cause, for He was blameless. For us, the humiliation is revealing to us and others how much sin has ravaged our heart. This humiliation, as with Christ, is not forced on us. If we allow it's complete work, it will cure us of the temptation to reform. The damage is beyond repair. There is no cure but death. This is the second part of the walk. Only then can God 'create in us a new heart'. This is not a one time event for we never get it right. We are to 'die daily'. The willingness to take this 'narrow path' is celebrated publicly with the ordinance of baptism. The dedication to this path is the first step of a christian walk.

5. Connections and Identity

We all desire a deep connection with others, but we fear losing our identity. This is why so many use on-line dating to find someone 'compatible'. It is impossible to fully connect without losing self. It is the purpose of connecting. This is why it is so critical that what draws us together is God's presence. 'For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.' Matthew 18:20 Without that, one loses their identity to the other so that one feels that they have given all in the relationship and the other does not feel that they have gained anything in the relationship. We must lose our identity to God because He gives it back. '.. he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.' Matthew 10:39 When this is the motivation (God's presence), both sides are drawn into His presence and our heart is exposed as inadequate for such an intense connection to Him, each other, and others. We gladly give it up together and He gives us 'a new heart' and both sides win as we love on a level that previously we could not even dream of.

6. Security Blankets

We all have desires or unmet needs. These are usually noble such as a spouse, children, retirement, a house, etc. Life, at times, blocks us from our desires. We develop coping mechanisms to protect us from the disappointments. These coping mechanisms usually work against us reaching our desires. The reason is that love is usually at the core of our desire. To experience love requires vulnerability. Coping mechanisms are our security blanket. They are our method to try to achieve that fictitious oasis of safety. Life is not safe. Love makes it even less so. The cross is a stark expression of that point.
I have noticed a pattern. People come to me looking for God to grant their desire. God tells them that He not only wants to meet that desire, but that He wants to give them much more. He offers a purpose outside of themselves. He offers adventure. This news is usually not received enthusiastically. In addition, God says that the price for this adventure is that part of their character that gives them the most security. The security blanket. The reason is that we cannot fully love hiding behind a security blanket. This is most apparent when you step on someone's blanket and see the hostile response.
The people of Israel failed to cross the Red Sea the first time. Their reason was that it was not safe. God took their children into the promised land instead after the parents died in the wilderness. This is the age old battle between generations. Each young generation that comes along is determined not to become like the previous generations but rather will pursue adventure. But, just like their parents, life eventually beats them down. They lose their nerve along with their high expectations. Each new generation has a disdain toward the previous generations for their low expectations. They watch with confusion as the previous generation gives up their dreams as it degenerates into a selfish security search. The new generation grows ever more determined to not be like the previous generation only to join the long line of failures. The reason is that they fight with their own strength so their dreams are many times too self serving. We need God and His purpose to inspire us. 'Where there is no vision, the people perish...' Proverbs 29:18 Jesus says, 'Come to me as little children'. I find that few adults have that intense desire for God's kingdom. Their attention is turned more and more toward that ever ellusive security. Therefore, God's work seems to primarily be falling more and more into the hands of the young. They will answer the call. They will go into the promised land.

7. The Calling(Finding the truth)

Many of us have experienced the urge to find our identity or purpose. That we were meant to be something greater than we are in order to have a major impact on the messed up world we live in. This troubling comes in a custom way to each of us. Stirring us for unique reasons. This, I believe is God's calling. For this discussion, I recommend reading Proverbs 1 through 3, Mathew 6 and 7, I Corinthians 1 and 2, and Philippians 2:3-13.
It is a wonderful gift (Philippians 2:13) that God would be willing to share His thoughts with us. 'Come let us reason together' (Isaiah 1:18). A truth that he hides from the rulers of the earth (I Corinthians 2:6-8) yet gives to the grass roots through His Spirit (I Corinthians 2:10) so that 'we have the mind (will) of Christ' (I Corinthians 2:16, Philippians 2:5). This gift is further humbling in that we do not decide what to know (desire) but He reveals to each a unique perspective of the truth (Philippians 2:13). Only the humble can see it because it is so simple (I Corinthians 1:26-28). Therefore, it cannot be obtained by following some spiritual guru (I Corinthians 1:11-17, Mathew 7:15-23) with great oratory (I Corinthians 2:2-4). This humbling simplicity is one reason so many do not get it (Matthew 7:14, 20:16, 22:14). Another reason is just plain laziness (Song of Solomon 5:1-6). Perhaps another big reason is fear. Fear of losing control to this desire and fear of the responsibility that comes with this knowledge. And, of course, the big one - fear of losing our mythical security. I am sure that Satan has a custom stumblng block for each of us.
When we ignore God's offer, it is a serious thing. The Bible calls it quenching the Spirit (I Thessalonians 5:19). To ignore God's voice makes it harder and harder to hear while listening to it makes it easier. At some point, God withdraws His offer as He did to the elder generation of Israel when they refused to cross into the promised land and the urging dies.
So, how do we answer this call? First, don't make security our priority (Matthew 6:24-34) It is not about getting things (Proverbs 1:10-19) The truth is more valuable than that (Proverbs 3:13-15) In fact, it is more about giving (Philippeans 2:4, Proverbs 3:27-29). Ironically, when we do this, we will prosper (Proverbs 3:16,17,22-26) and be safe (Matthew 7:24-27) Also, avoid judging (Matthew 7:1-5) and other conflicts (Proverbs 3:30-35). In addition, we need to trust God to give it (Matthew 7:7).
God is looking for us to put forth the effort (Philippians 2:12) to seek Him and His will. We are not talking about book learning but about perspective. A perspective of love. As we each answer our own calling and help others to do the same, we will have a community of people who's perspectives, when joined, give a much bigger picture of God and his will.

1. He talks back!

I would just like to share a story that changed my life. The events I will share changed my perspective of how God interacts with us and my relationship with Him. The christian community varies from one perspective that is close to agnostic in which God has said all He is going to say when He printed the Bible and He may help in a situation but only descretely to the other extreme where everything that happens is a sign from above or perhaps below. My background was close to the first extreme. One weekend changed all of that.
I was cooking those miniature sausage links that are so addictive but probably not good for you. I was using my usual cast iron skillet. I was laughing with God about how frustrating it was to arrange the little sausages in a round pan. This might seem crazy, but this is how my relationship is with God. The next morning, I invited a friend of mine over for breakfast. She had always claimed God spoke to her like we do with each other. I took it with a grain of salt. She showed up at my door with an unusual square cast iron frying pan. She held it up to me and said, "Tell me I am not crazy. I was on the way over here and God told me to stop off at a particular thrift store. He led me to the back of the store and told me to buy this for you."